


A good day to die

by Kairri_rin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kidnapping, M/M, Mostly fluff?, Multi, Romance, Soulmates, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, a bit of violence, decided there will be a plot, maybe a lot of stucky?, possible hints of stucky, soulmark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 07:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16013243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kairri_rin/pseuds/Kairri_rin
Summary: Nezryn doesn’t believe in soul mates and goes out of her way to avoid finding hers. Can her mind be changed?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I try not to work on two things at once, since I tend to take forever to update, but this has been stuck in my head for a while now and I just needed to get it out.  
> Not sure where it’ll go since I haven’t planned anything for it yet, but i’m Excited to see what comes to mind.  
> Let me know if you like it

The bright blue light of the lotus tattoo on her wrist was slowly starting to leak through the thick black ink layered over it in a sad attempt to cover the cursed mark. Ever since she could remember she had hated that stain on her skin, not for the symbol, but for the true meaning behind the mark. She had seen it for what it truly was, a curse.  
She groaned low in her throat, slipping her phone carefully out of her back pocket. She had to call Dimitri right away, the tattoo would need another layer of ink soon, before the glow became strong enough to be seen by others. The blue was shining through faster every time whereas the first time she had gotten it covered it had lasted her for 2 years before fading, but this time the ink was only a few months old.  
Her fingers deftly dialed the number but as she was about to hit dial a large force hit her shoulder, jerking her body down and she hit the ground before she had registered what was happening.  
“Ugh!” She reaches for her shoulder, holding it where the low pain was radiating down her arm.  
“I’m so sorry!” The man standing above her sounded apologetic and almost panicked as he stared down at the small woman at his feet.  
“I guess I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going.” He continued, his cheeks flushing a slight pink. He reached down and offered her a hand, which she just looked at for a moment before following it up his arm, taking in his short blonde hair, sky blue eyes, and sharp jaw line. He looked kind. And somewhat familiar. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion for a moment before placing her hand lightly in his and letting him drag her to her feet.  
“It’s okay. I obviously wasn’t quite paying attention either” she tried to plaster a small smile on her face, but wasn’t quite sure she succeeded. Her hand was still clasped in his and he turned her wrist slightly, getting a good look at her tattoo.  
“That’s very pretty” he commented, narrowing his eyes at it slightly as if he too could see the blue light hidden behind the ink. She pulled her hand back sharply, unnerved by the way his eyes stayed locked on her wrist.  
“Yeah. My mom had a pond with lotus flowers when I was little. I figured it was a good tattoo to remember her by” she lied smoothing, lips pinched together but still smiling.  
“It’s just a tattoo? I figured it was a -“  
“No.” She cut him off, “mine faded when I was young. It’s just a tattoo”. The lie normally rolled off her tongue easily, but this stranger was making her uneasy and the lies where harder to tell.  
“Oh, I’m sorry. Can I see it?” His eyes were very slightly narrowed at her, his poker face was amazing, but she had years of practice reading people and could tell he was suspicious. She rolled her eyes and sighed as she shifted, jutting her left hip out slightly. Someone always had to see. Using her left hand she pulled the waistband of her jeans down slightly and pulled the hem of her shirt up with her right hand. Just enough to fully expose the white, raised scar along her hip. The scars of the intersecting circles were angry and red from rubbing against her pants while the intricate swirls were almost faded and harder to see. She wasn’t sure what the design was, she’d never seen it before when she found it on a 96 and 98 year old couple in the nursing home she had worked at. The design had sat over their hearts, glowing softly while they were apart, but bright enough to shine through their shirts when they were together. Despite her best judgment she had developed a soft spot for the old couple, and when they eventually passed she had decided to use their symbol.  
The stranger in front of her sucked in a breath at the sight of the ruined skin, his hand coming up to the collar of his shirt. He pulled it down slightly to reveal his own ruined skin, the design similar to hers, the scrolling not quite as elegant.  
“I’ve never seen another faded mark before.” He said softly as they both let their clothes fall back in place.  
“It isn’t something people normally like to broadcast” she felt slightly guilty for her lies now that she’d seen his own mark. The look in his eyes said it wasn’t like her story, he had actually had his soul mate and lost her. The thought was like a punch to the gut.  
“I’m sorry for bringing up bad memories for you” he murmured, though she knew he must have mostly been talking. To himself.  
“Don’t be. It’s been that way for most of my life. I never knew him” she bit her lip. The lies were so hard to follow through with while this stranger stood in front of her, the haunted look in his eyes saying he was reliving every moment he had ever had with his soul mate.  
“I have a friend. His soul mark is a lotus. On his wrist exactly where yours is. It’s quite the coincidence you got the same tattoo.” He laughed slightly, shaking his head.  
“Let me take you out to dinner tonight to properly apologize for knocking you on your ass. And for the whole soul marks thing. It wasn’t very appropriate of me to bring up with a complete stranger” he looked embarrassed now, hands shoved deep in his pockets and shoulders slumped and curled in on himself.  
“Ummm...” she looked up at him, towering over her even while she was standing up. Was this a good idea? Normally she kept to herself, but never usually turned down an invitation to make new friends. But this man in front of her was off, she couldn’t put her finger on what it was, but he put her on edge and she couldn’t tell if it was a warning or an attraction.  
“Okay. Alright, here why don’t you put your number in my phone, give me yours and I’ll put mine in. You can text me where to meet you. And just to warn you, if you’re trying to like kidnap me or something, I carry mace and I might be small but I do know how to kick some ass” her words came out in a nervous rush, a small blush settling over her cheeks as she realized how much she had rambled. The stranger in front of her straightened and grinned at her.  
“Noted” he chuckled as he handed her his phone and gently took hers out of her hand.  
“I’m Steve, by the way. Steve Rogers” he grinned at her and held his hand out again.  
“I’m Nezryn Horne” she responded, taking his offered hand and shaking it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to add more to this, but it turned out a bit longer than I planned so I figured it was fine to stop here for now.  
> Forgive me if there are some inconsistencies throughout this as I am still really getting a feel for my character and trying to figure out how to progress the story. I usually tent to write a few chapters and an outline and leave them alone for a few months before coming back to them to figure out if I like them, I did not do that with this story. I also apologize for errors in this chapter, I have barely slept for the last week and seem to have almost forgotten how to string together a sentence and have been misspelling the simplest of words and not quite finding the words I am looking for.

"Hey, Dimi, it's Nezryn. I thought you upgraded your ink? This wearing off pretty damned fast." The voice on the other side of the phone was muffled for a moment, the background noise of what was probably a club pounded loudly through the phone. Who goes to a club in the middle of the afternoon?  
"What? You know I can't ink you again for 3 months, yeah? It's way too potent." His voice was thick with his accent, Russian mixed with faint New Yorker that he had picked up from his many years in the city.  
"I don't care. I need it. By next week." She glanced down at the inside of her wrist again, watching wearily as the glow invaded her sights, seemingly pulsing under her attention.  
"Nine. Sorry, mishka."  
"Мудак" she growled into the phone hesitating for just long enough to hear his offended intake of breath at her insult before smiling in triumph and ending the call.  
She paused on the stairs, halfway up the last floor to her 8th-floor apartment.  
_'I'm sorry Dimitri, you aren't really an asshole' - N_  
She sent the text quickly, inwardly grouchy that she couldn't even manage to make it to her apartment before feeling guilty for her outburst. Dimitri had been her closest friend for nearly a decade now, the only one to know her deepest secrets and to help her hide them. They shared a long, traumatic past and had always been their for each other through all the hard times. Her phone dinged as she reached her door and she paused with her key in the lock.  
_'I really regret teaching you Russian' - D_  
_'You didn't have a choice. You were too stupid to learn English if I remember correctly. Which I do.' - N_  
She giggled at her taunts as she slid her phone back into her pocket, turning the keys in the lock and pushing into the apartment.  
"Honey! I'm home!" She yelled into the open room, receiving no response. "Ah, home sweet home" she tossed herself facedown on the couch and tried to ignore the panic attack she felt rising in her chest at the reminder of the days events. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.  
As soon as she felt her heart rate return to normal she pulled out her phone again to see a new text message. She had been too wrapped up in her panic attack to notice her phone going off apparently.  
_'Hey, meet at Jim's diner down on union ave at 6?' - Steve_  
Her heart thudded again. Steve. Why did he put her so on edge? Sure he was handsome, with his tall, broad stature, perfectly parted blonde hair, large blue eyes, and perfectly sculpted jawline, but that couldn't be it could it? She still couldn't shake the feeling that she had seen him somewhere before, his face was so familiar to her and suddenly she started panicking again. What if she'd seen him in crowds before? What if he was a stalker? Who just bumped into her to have a reason to ask her out.  
She settled herself down quickly, knowing that wasn't it. She was too observant to not notice she was being watched. It wasn't him who put her on edge, she'd been on edge all day and running into him was just the icing on the cake, she rationalized. It had thrown her off to realize how far into herself she had drawn to not be paying attention walking down the street. That almost never happened.  
_'Sure. See you then' - N_  
She responded, checking her watch real quick. 5:00. Not a big deal, enough time to jump in the shower and get changed. Jim's was only a 10-minute walk from her tiny little apartment.

Nezryn was running late. Of course, she was. She always was.  
"Shit. Shit, shit, shit" she mumbled to herself as she ran her way down the stairs, wishing for the millionth time that her building wasn't older than dirt and actually had an elevator in it. At least living on the top floor forced her to get her cardio in every day. She tore her phone out of her pocket, searching quickly through the contacts as she ran, trying to look at both her phone and where she was going so she didn't miss a step and fall down the flight of steps. A trip to the hospital was a trip she could not afford. She hit the ground floor at a run, not pausing for the door, opting instead to throw her entire body weight against it and smiling satisfied as it banged open loudly with a clang. It hit the back of the wall and bounced back at her but she ducked out of the way nimbly, jumping over the railing and skipping the few steps down the stoop.

_'Hey, running like 5 - 10 minutes late. Super sorry, see you soon" - N_

Gathering her long brown hair in her hands, she tried smoothing it out as best as she could without a brush before grabbing the small black ponytail holder from its spot in between her teeth as she darted down the street.

 _'Not a problem. Got a table in the back. Want me to wait out front for you?'_  
Her phone dinged again, another text from Steve. At his words, she sighed and stopped walking. The entrance for Jim's was in front of her, just down the street, but she could see the people crowded in front of the building telling her they must have booked live a popular live musician for the night. It would be faster to go through the back and avoid everyone. So she turned on her heel and backtracked a few feet, turning down a back street and ducking into the alley, dodging garbage and parked cars as she stumbled her way across the uneven walkway that had been worn into the old street by so many people walking that exact path.

The noise hit her heavily when she opened the door. Whoever the musician was tonight was very popular, if the fans shouting were any indication. Her eyes darted around the room, catching sight of the back of a blonde head sitting near the wall in the corner.

"Hey." she greeted as she walked up, not expecting him to slide out of the booth when he saw her, gesturing her for her to sit and not sitting back down until she was nestled comfortably on her own side of the booth.

"Hey," he said back as he slid smoothly back into his seat, "I'm glad you could make it. I'm sorry it's so noisy. I've never been here before, I didn't know they did live music on Friday nights. I would have suggested somewhere else". he had his phone clutched in his large hands, thoughtlessly turning it over again and again.

"No, no. It's fine." This was awkward. Now that she was here she could feel the edginess start creeping up on her again and she couldn't quite keep her mind focused enough to figure out how to carry on a conversation. So they sat and stared at each other for a long moment that seemed to stretch on forever until steve mercifully cleared his throat and looked down at his menu.

"Soooo" he drew the word out for a few seconds longer than normal, "What's good here?"

"Well, honestly, everything is pretty decent here. The big hit is the big boy burger. 2lbs of ground beef topped with honey-maple bacon, Wisconsin cheese curds, and thinly sliced onion rings, with a drizzle of chipotle mayo." Her voice automatically switched over to her 'customer service' voice as she described the menu item. His stared at her with a small smirk on his face.

"Oh yeah?" His arms crossed in front of his chest and he seemed to visibly relax in front of her.

"Sorry. I used to work here in high school. I guess the voice is a hard habit to break." She could feel her cheeks heat up and she looked to the side before meeting his gaze again. His smile had only widened.

"Well, it certainly sounds good. And now I know a little more about you. I like that. What do you usually get?"

"Umm. My favorite is the nachos, though we all used to call it the R.O.U.S. when I worked here as a joke. One of the cooks hid a fake rodent in the plate of nachos once as a prank on one of the waitresses. She screamed and threw the plate against the wall" She flushed again. No way in the world was she going to admit she had been that waitress. Not a chance. Steve's eyebrows knitted together before he tried to plaster on a look that said he knew exactly what she was talking about. He failed.

"You know, rodents of unusual size? From the Princess Bride" Once again he was failing at trying to look like he understood "How do you not know Princess Bride?" she was incredulous. He shocked her even more by swiftly pulling out a small notebook and a pencil from his back pocket and mumbling something about another one for the book before scribbling something down and putting it away.

"Sorry about that. I'm just not too up to date on pop culture. At least I've seen Star Wars now." It was his turn now to flush. His hand ran through his hair nervously and Nezryn was ashamed to realize her eyes followed the movement without her permission, watching as the muscles in his arms bulged slightly with the movement, and how the blonde strands settled out of place giving his hair a deliciously tousled look. She cleared her throat softly, looking away and trying to dispell the slight heat suddenly running through her veins. They were interrupted briefly by the waitress who brought them waters and paused shortly to take their orders, promising to be back soon.

"Were you Amish? That's the only explanation for why you've never heard of the Princess Bride. And it apparently took you forever to watch Star Wars. Who hasn't seen Star Wars? Everyone's seen Star Wars!" She blurted out the second the waitress was gone. She could admit to herself that she was probably, most likely, just trying to distract herself from the inappropriate thoughts about the man in front of her that she just knew where going to start creeping to the front of her mind.

"No. I mean, I think. I'm not quite sure what that is." his adorably confused look was fixed firmly back on his face and he was now leaning forward on his arms over the table.

"Then wh- Oh" And suddenly the realization hit her like a sack of bricks. The edgy feeling like something wasn't quite right, the way he looked familiar to her, the blond hair blue eyes, the bulging muscles that looked like they were going to rip his shirt to shreds if he flexed the wrong way. Steve Rogers.

"Steve Rogers" she whispered to herself and her eyebrows knit together. She squinted up at him slowly and tilted her head "Holy shit. You're Captain Fucking America".


	3. Chapter 3

Steve cringed slightly at the words before slowly smiling at her.

"I'm Captian Fucking America" he agreed with a wink. Nezryn's eyes were wide, she sucked in a surprised breath with her hand on her chest, a familiar tight feeling starting.

"I'm on a date with Captain America" she whispered to herself, eyes locked on the table in front of her as she tried to control her breathing before her eyes strayed up to his.

"Sorry. That's a strange thought" she giggled lightly and he raised a perfect eyebrow at her, his hands linking together and resting on the table in front of him. Captain fucking America. The biggest war hero in the entire world was sitting across from her. 

"Honestly, I was a bit surprised that you didn't recognize me. It was... Nice" his tone was a mixture of surprise and guilt like they were words he shouldn't even be saying.

"I'm sorry, Steve." She reverted to using his name instead of his title, seeing him once again instantly relax "I know who you are, obviously. I've been to the museum exhibit and heard your name on the news and stuff. I should have recognized your name but I've been quite slow today for some reason. I guess it's easy to see you as some sort of larger than life figure and much harder to picture that there is an actual human person behind the title of Captain America. Sorry about my freak out there." Now it was her turn to feel guilty. Here she was, having a good time with an attractive man, finally starting to feel the awkwardness of the night fade away, and she just had to start having a mental freak out and start treating him like he wasn't actually a person. God, she was stupid sometimes. 

 

"What freak out?" the adorably confused expression was back and her cheeks heated up again.

"Oh, you didn't notice that huh? I could have totally never even mentioned it. Oh my god. how embarrassing. It's been a bad day." the last part was whispered to herself, but he was a freaking super solider so of course he heard her. She couldn't look at him and somehow she felt her cheeks heat up even more when she heard his laughter.

"You're cute when you're flustered," he said, his hand reaching over the table to grab hers, pulling it toward him and turning it over, slowly tracing the lines on her palm "Why has it been a bad day?" His tone was gentle, almost as gentle as the pressure on her hand. 

 

"Uh- uh soldier, you do not get to unlock my tragic backstory until at least date number 4" she teased lightly. His hand stilled on hers and he looked up at her then.

"So. That means Captain America gets a date number two then?" he teased back at her, a self-assured smirk finding it's way back onto his face. She couldn't help but smirk back at him.

"Yeah, Captain America gets a second date." The grinned at each other and Steve continued to hold Nezryn's hand, lightly drawing patterns on her skin, until their food came. 

 

"So, what is it that you do, Nezryn" Steve finally asked her after they finished their meal. They had eaten in silence, but somehow it hadn't been awkward. The edgy feeling that Steve had given her earlier had completely faded now that she recognized him and she found herself able to relax fully and just enjoy the time with him.

"Anything I say is going to sound lame when it's said to Captian America" she teased him lightly, turning the hand that he had once again caught and dragged across the table, palm up, curling her fingers lightly against his wrist as his fingers danced patterns against the lotus tattoo on her wrist. He scoffed at her.

"Sure, being Captain America sounds glamorous, but I don't do much other than sit around, then when I actually am useful, I get shot at, buildings dropped on me, and blown up. It really isn't as much fun as it seems" his tone was still light, but the words seemed like they could easily be turned bitter. He smiled at her, encouraging her to open up to him a little more.

 

"I dance. Ballet actually, with the New York City Ballet. I've been with them for 3 years now, but before that, I was a nurse in the ER. I still volunteer at nursing homes occasionally when I have time". A large smile broke out on Steve's face.   
"Oh yeah? Mind if I came to a show sometime? I never learned to dance, at all, but I love to watch."  
"I used to ballroom dance too, you know. I could teach you" Steve's smile got impossibly wider, making her Nezryn's grin even wider. He looked down at their hands and slowly linked their fingers together.   
"I would love that".


	4. Chapter 4

"No, no. Put your hand here" Nezryn readjusted Steve's hand on her waist for what felt like the millionth time since they had started their ballroom dancing lessons. It had now been a month since they had started dating, seeing each other at least once a week, sometimes as many times as three times a week. Every time they held hands but had never had more contact than chaste kisses on the cheek, and Steve still blushed every time she rearranged his hand to it's proper position on the small of her back despite the good 10-12 inches of space he kept between their bodies. It was driving her slightly insane.   
She stepped closer to him, nodding approvingly as he stepped back, leading with the right foot this time, smiling as he counted their steps lowly under his breath, his head down, watching every step they took. His hand slowly raised up her back again, seemingly on its own. She huffed and pushed it back down again, slowly, holding onto his forearm to keep his hand in it's placement.   
"Sorry" he flushed, eyes drawn in concentration, only glancing at her every few seconds, afraid to take his eyes off his moving feet.   
"Steve, look at me." Her voice was low and gentle, but he knew by her tone that she wasn't asking. His surprised eyes flew up to hers and she found herself blushing under the full weight of his stare. It took her by surprise sometimes, the feeling of having his full attention directed at her.   
"You're too tense. Don't be afraid. The point of dancing is to relax and enjoy yourself" her tone was still low and gentle, but Steve's body immediately loosened, as if her words were a command that his body couldn't disobey. A small smile found it's way into his lips and before he realized what he was doing he drew her into his body, until they were dancing pressed against each other. Neither one of them commented on it. Nezryn's hand smoothed it's way up Steve's arm, back to its position on his shoulder. She gently massaged his shoulder where her hand was placed and leaned her head into his chest with a content sigh as they continued to dance.  
"Hey Nez," his soft voice caught her attention causing her to crane her neck to look up at him, hesitant to move her head from it's resting place on his chest.   
"Hmmm?" She hummed in response.   
"I want to try something, if that's okay" his face was slightly flushed with the cute blush she loved so much. This caught her attention and she moved her head fully off his chest to completely meet his eyes, blinking in surprise when she realized just how close his face was to hers.   
"Of course, Stevie" she whispered as she watched his face get closer, his eyes staring into hers watching for any sign of apprehension on her face. Her breath caught as he stopped, their lips barely an inch from each other, their already slightly ragged breaths mingling.   
"Can I kiss you?" His voice was rough, low, and sexier than she thought possible. All she could do was nod, not able to find a way to tell her brain to make her vocal cords move, not that she needed to. At the sight of her nod, Steve's lips crashed down onto hers with more force than he had intended and he immediately tried to pull back but Nezryn's hands caught his face and pulled his lips back to hers. Thus time his lips met hers lightly, moving against hers slowly and gently as he gripped her waist in both of his hands now and pulled her body even closer to him. He groaned deep in his throat as her hands found their way under his shirt and up his back, slowly stroking his bare skin. His kiss turned more insistent as she moved her hands to his chest and started stroking down his muscled abdomen.   
"Baby" he groaned into her mouth "I'm gonna need you to stop that". She stopped her hands immediately, pulling them back as if she had been burned.   
"I'm sorry Stevie. I didn't even realize what I was doing". Her face was warm and she knew she was blushing harder than she ever had before.   
"It's okay, honey." He pulled her back to him, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his forehead against hers. "I'm just not ready for that yet." His words were gentle and apologetic. Nezryn bit her lip and nodded her head.   
"I'm sorry Stevie. I don't want to make you feel like I'm trying to rush you" They had had the conversation before. Steve had made it clear to her how long it had been and how he worried he would hurt her. Apparently it took a lot of focus for a super solider who can bench press a fucking helicopter to stay gentle. Who would have guessed? But when he had started kissing her like her lips were the oxygen he needed to live all rational thoughts had flown straight out the window. Steve shook his head at her words, foreheads still pressed together.   
"It's okay. You aren't pressuring me, but when you touch me like that I'm afraid I won't be able to stop myself" His eyes bore into hers and the words she heard come out of his mouth did nothing to quell the fire deep in her core. If anything she was getting even more turned on by what he was insinuating her touch did to him.   
"Kiss me again?" She pleaded, fully willing to let him take complete control of their interactions as long as he never stopped kissing her. He chuckled low in throat at her, dipping his head to once again claim her lips in a slow, languid kiss, carefully pulling her with him as he walked backward until the backs of his legs hit the couch. He sank down, pulling her down with him and situated her so she was straddling his lap. Both of his hands were on her hips, gently holding her just above him, so their thighs were brushing but she wasn't actually sitting on him. She didn't fight his grip, holding herself still as his hands moved up her back, one hand cupping the back of her head and tangling in her hair. It took every bit of strength she had in her to not immediately drop fully into his lap and press herself as close to his body as she could. All she wanted was to melt into him and feel that gorgeous body naked and slicked with sweat against her own skin. She groaned into his mouth at the thought, their kiss once again picking up, getting harder and messier. Steve pulled back from her lips, burying his head in her neck and kissing and nipping his way down the beautiful column of her neck. She moaned again, resolve to let steve lead their interactions starting to fail. Her fingers curled into his shoulders where she had tried to keep her hands the entire time they were kissing. Now her fingers were itching to touch him. She felt his lips turn up at the noises she was making above him.   
"Not fair, Stevie." She barely managed to get the words out. He pulled his head back from her neck, his face an amusing mixture of guilt, satisfaction, and lust. Or, at least, it would have been amusing had Nezryn not been so preoccupied by the heat running through her veins.   
"I'm sorry, baby" she huffed slightly at him, but had smile on her face nonetheless. At least he looked and sounded as hot and bothered as she was, even if he wasn't ready to much about it.   
"It's okay. I may have enjoyed it a little" they pressed their foreheads together again, once again staring into each other's eyes as their ragged breaths mixed together, neither willing to move and destroy the moment.


	5. Chapter 5

The tattoo on her wrist pulsed, making her freeze, her drink halfway to her mouth. He was here. Her eyes searched bar, landing on the man looming in the doorway, his frame taking up the whole space, and she sucked in a breath. His long black hair fell almost to his shoulders, a few strands getting stuck in the stubble of the slight beard he had gracing his sharp jawline. He stood at attention, his entire body tense, looking for all the world like the deadly ex-assassin that he was. His eyes were sweeping the bar, face unreadable. Everything about the man screamed danger. She downed the rest of her drink in one motion and took a deep breath, shoving herself out of the booth she had been sitting at and forcing herself to walk up to him. She tried to ignore the tight feeling low in her gut at the sight of his well defined muscles bulging out from behind his tight leather jacket and the way that his black pants hugged his thick legs so well. She cleared her throat, tearing her eyes from his body and moving her gaze to his eyes. It didn't help.   
"Hey soldier" she greeted him, her voice coming out a bit more breathy than she had intended. He flinched away from her at her words and she immediately backpedaled.   
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you! I'm Nezryn, Steve told me you guys served in the war together" she tried again, holding her hand out for him to shake as she introduced herself. He stared at her offered hand for a moment before taking it in his but instead of shaking it he drew it up to his lips, landing a soft kiss on the back of her hand, sending tingles shooting all the way up her arm. He smiled at her then, a small smile that she wasn't sure wasn't totally faked, but it was beautiful nonetheless.   
"Call me Bucky, doll" his voice practically vibrated through her as he introduced himself, his hand still holding hers up to his lips as his eyes met hers and they stared at each other. She shivered at the look in his eyes as they stared into hers like a silent challenge. Or maybe a promise.   
"Ummm. Steve just ran to the bathroom real quick, he'll be right back, we have a booth back here" she finally managed to find her voice, hesitantly sliding her hand from his and immediately missing the contact. He nodded his head at her and mumbled a low "lead the way, darling" before she turned and started walking back to their table. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing. She had suspected from the very first day she met Steve that his beast friend was her soulmate, she had thought she was prepared for this, but nothing in the world could have prepared her for the sudden onslaught of feelings blooming in her chest.   
They slid into the booth opposite each other and once again just stared at each other. Neither quite sure what to say. They were saved from the awkward tension when Steve appeared out of seemingly nowhere.   
"Hey Buck!" He greeted his friend, kneeling into the booth and leaning over to envelop his friend in a big bear hug. Bucky scooted a bit closer to make it easier on Steve and returned the hug, clapping his friend on the back and giving Steve a genuine smile that stopped Nezryn's heart. She once again took a deep breath, controlling her heart rate tonight was going to be hard.   
Steve slid into the booth next to her, throwing his arm over her shoulder and pulling her in tight to his side.   
"Hey baby" he spoke low as he leaned in to give her a quick peck on the cheek causing a laugh to start bubbling up in her chest.   
"You've been gone for like two minutes, Steve." She slapped him lightly on the chest and he put his hand up to where she hit him and threw his head back.  
"Ow" he pretended to be hurt from her tiny little slap causing both her and Bucky to laugh at his obvious overreacting. The sound of his laugher stopped her heart. She had thought Steve's laugher has been the most beautiful thing she had ever heard, but the man sitting across from her sounded like angel had come straight from Heaven and sat at their table. Her wide, surprised eyes flicked up to his as he chuckled and smiled. 

 

"He likes you" Steve whispered in her ear as Bucky excused himself from the table, phone vibrating audibly in his pocket. If he had heard Steve's words, he didn't react, but Nezryn was much more careful of his super solider hearing, not quite sure on what could be picked up or not.   
"I'm not sure about that, he hasn't been looking too happy to be here" she whispered back as she watched Bucky reach for the door handle.   
"He's seemed fine. You, on the other hand, are incredibly tense. And you've barely even glanced in his direction since he got here." Steve was talking normally now, his body turned towards hers and eyebrows drawn together in confusion "He's a good guy". His tone was slightly defensive and Nezryn put her hand up to stop him before he could go any farther.   
"I'm not scared of him. I mean, he's intimidating, certainly. He looks like he could kill everyone in here with just his pinky finger. But that doesn't scare me. Okay?" Her hand found his face as she looked into his eyes for only a moment before averting her gaze. As much as she wanted Steve to believe her, Bucky did scare her. Just not for the reasons Steve had believed.   
"I just..." words were failing her. She didn't want to lie to Steve, but she had already, she was in too deep, coming clean now was impossible, wasn't it? How could she explain to him why she covered up her soul mark? Why she quite literally carved a new mark into her body to never have to deal with the pain of having her choices ripped away from her and fake emotions forced into her mind. How could he forgive her for denying his best friend something that was "meant to be". Steve still believed in soul mates, believed that the marks branded on their skin were a magical thing and that finding ones soulmate was the ultimate goal in life. But Nezryn was painfully, intimately aware of how wrong that belief was. She couldn't look at Bucky, because the second she felt his presence in the bar she wanted nothing more than to touch him, to curl into his side, run her hands through his hair, stare into those damned blue eyes and taste those sinful lips of his. But it was more than that, if it had only been lust she could deal with the feelings, she'd lusted after men before, women too, it was not a new feeling. But no, she wanted to wrap him in her arms and take away all his pain, make him forget anyone who ever hurt him, destroy his enemies and make him feel loved. But she knew the feelings weren't real. She didn't even know this person, only bits and pieces of a tragic past and stories from Steve's youth. It frustrated her, and scared her, but mostly it made her angry.   
"I like him, Steve. He seems like a good guy" she sighed, deciding on a half truth, while gripping Steve's hand tightly, entwining their fingers. Her other hand came up and grabbed the back of his head, pulling his face down to hers until their lips met. She smiled against his lips, trying to pour herself into the kiss and feeling herself relax for the first time that night. Steve was here, wrapped around her and she felt safe in his embrace. Steve, her Steve, who she had taken the time to know and had fallen in love with organically, not forcefully. Steve was her choice and she wasn't about to let a damned soul mark change that.


	6. Chapter 6

Meeting the boys at the bar after rehearsal become a sort of weekly tradition for Nezryn over the next few months. She tried to tell Steve that they didn't need to bother Bucky and try to pull him out of his comfort zone so often since he still wasn't used to crowds and tended to stay away from other people. However, Steve was too excited for his girl and his best friend to spend time together and neither of them could bring themselves to disappoint him.  
And that's how Nezryn found herself rushing through the streets in the dark, her rehearsal having gone over quite a bit today and she hadn't been able to call Steve to let him know she'd be late. And of course, after rehearsal she dug through her bag, intending to send a quick text, only to come up completely empty handed, realizing she had left her phone at home on the charger. She was about 2 hours late now and knowing Steve he would be worried about her. So, without showering and changing like she usually did, she threw on a pair of loose sweats over her tights, stowing her tutu in her locker and zipping up her hoodie directly over her unitard. She had slathered more deodorant on and sprayed some perfume to hopefully mask the scent of sweat from the two super soldiers she was on her way to meet, but she didn't count on it. Especially since she was once again working up a sweat as she ran through the streets.  
Thankfully they had chosen this bar because it was only a few blocks away from the theater. Steve had wanted to pick one closer, but Nezryn had refused, all the bars closer were too loud and packed. The small hole in the wall they frequented was probably the quietest bar she'd ever been in, in New York. It was still relatively packed most nights, but it was smaller and relatively old school, reminding both Bucky and Steve of the dance halls they had been to in their youth, mainly because it actually used to be one.  
Nezryn slowed finally, stopping in the middle of the alleyway next to the bar, trying to catch her breath before entering. She was almost embarrassed by the fact that she had run all the way here. If Steve had really been worried he would have come to rehearsal to check on her and she suddenly felt stupid. Of course, he wouldn't be worried. She'd told him a million times how late they could be kept sometimes. And she could have easily borrowed one of the other girl's phones to give him a quick call to explain. Yet she had freaked out, not showered, and ran through the streets of New York like a crazy person. She groaned loudly and sagged into the wall of the alley.  
"Hey there pretty lady" the voice from behind her was slurred, the man obviously drunk. His hand gripped her shoulder and slammed her back into the wall behind her, his body pressing up against hers, breathing his rank breath in her face as he leered at her. She scrunched her nose at the smell and rolled her eyes at him.  
"Must be my lucky day" He slurred, trying to bury his face in her neck.  
"Not quite" She bit out before bringing her knee up hard into his crotch. She smiled in satisfaction at his howl of pain, watching him fall drunkenly to the ground clutching himself. She noticed two more drunk men behind him, both scowling at her for her actions.  
"Little bitch" the one mumbled under his breath as he watched her. Both no doubt wondering if she was even worth the effort.  
"What's going on here?" The low, growled words sent a shiver down her spine and she instantly straightened.  
"None of your business pal..." the first guy answered, stumbling to his feet, then stilling as his eyes caught a glimpse of the light glinting off the large metal appendage that was the only clear thing about the man standing in the shadows of the alleyway. Nezryn rolled her eyes so hard her head moved with them at the image before her. Before she could take a step or say a word the drunk guys were stumbling away, tripping over themselves trying to run away.  
"My hero" She drawled sarcastically at Bucky as he walked closer to her. She tried to keep her eyes from drinking in the sight of him without his jacket on, she'd never seen his metal arm before, not even his hand or wrist, he'd kept it hidden very well, with jackets or long sleeves and gloves. Today he wore none of that. And now she couldn't keep her eyes from it, from him. It gleamed in the light, despite the dark color. His t-shirt clung to his frame deliciously, the muscles in his biceps bulging under the hem of his t-shirt and she wondered idly if his entire shirt would rip if he flexed. The way he sauntered nearer to her made his shirt ride up just a bit, exposing a tiny bit of the waistband of his underwear above where his pants hung low on his hips. She bit her lip as he continued to get closer until their bodies were practically pressed together in the darkness.  
"I can take care of myself, big guy" she whispered, not quite sure how to make her voice louder with him so close to her. His eyes searched her face for a moment before his lips tilted up into a grin, the first full, real smile he had given her in 4 full months they had known each other.  
"I saw that" his words weren't whispered, but they were almost as quiet as hers were. His smile grew wider as he offered her his flesh arm, tilting his head toward the bar "shall we, dollface?"  
A shock of electricity shot from her fingertips all the way up to her shoulder as she took his offered arm. She could tell he felt it too by the way he stiffened underneath her touch for a second before acting as if nothing had happened, whisking her away into the bar and to the booth in the back that they had claimed as theirs.  
"Well look what the cat dragged in" Steve teased, standing from his spot in the booth, sliding his phone into his back pocket and wrapping his arms around Nezryn's waist, pulling her from Bucky's grasp. She could feel the tension slipping out of his muscles as he held her close to his body.  
"I, uh, may have forgotten my phone at home." She explained, not even waiting for them to question her "rehearsal ran over tonight since we open in two weeks. So it's been pretty crazy lately." She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.  
"Well, I'm glad you're here now. I was just getting ready to head over to the theater to collect you. You shouldn't have to walk all the way here alone in the dark" Nezryn rolled her eyes again at Steve's cautious tone.  
"I can take care of myself you know" she parroted her words from earlier, watching Bucky smirk at them from across the table. Steve just raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her words.  
"You should believe her, Stevie. This one's a firecracker" Bucky chuckled, giving Nezryn an over exaggerated wink, making her once again roll her eyes. But this time it was accompanied by a fond smile.  
"Like you're one to talk about believing me, mister knight in shining armor" she teased back at him, making Steve's eyebrows furrow in his adorably confused expression.  
"Hey, doll. It wasn't you I was savin' there. Ya had that glint in ya eye that spells trouble" now it was Steve's turn to roll his eyes at Bucky's flirting, his Brooklyn accent thickening slightly.  
"I'm missing something" he mused out loud. Bucky's smile just got even wider, looking at Nezryn like the cat that got the cream. Nezryn scowling back at him fiercely.  
"Ya girl was beat'n up a bunch a drunkards in th' alley." Bucky was very obviously elated, fighting back his laughter and shrugging his shoulders as Nezryn groaned and threw her head back.  
"Buuuuuucky" she whined, "you didn't have to tell him, you little shit." He just shrugged his shoulders at her again. He was purposely messing with her, she knew it.  
"Sorry, doll" he reached over the table with his flesh hand and patted her arm where it was resting on the table, before grabbing her hand and squeezing it slightly "can't have secrets from my best friend, especially about his girl".  
"What happ-" Steve stopped, eyes glued to his best friend's hand on his girlfriend's hand.  
"Buck. Your soulmark is pulsing" he finally managed to breathe out, watching the blue mark on his friend's wrist slowly pulse, glowing a brilliant blue. Bucky retracted his hand from Nezryn's, shrugging his shoulders as he leaned back casually in the booth.  
"So?" He questioned.  
"So, shouldn't you look for them?" Steve looked perplexed and if Nezryn's heart hadn't suddenly been trying to force it's way out of her body through her throat she may have laughed at how cute it was. She needed to change the conversation but she couldn't move, couldn't speak, she felt trapped in her own body. Trapped by the fear crawling its way through her body, digging its sharp claws into her chest.  
"Naw. They don't want me, pal." Bucky dismissed, waving his hand as if it didn't bother him. And maybe it didn't. Maybe Bucky felt the exact same way Nezryn did about the mark on her body that she had never wanted.  
"And how do you know that?" Steve just wouldn't give up, she could see how frustrated he was getting and vaguely felt like she should do something. Maybe rub his back, hold his hand, something. But she still couldn't make her body move.  
"Because punk, for the last 10 years they've been trying to get rid of the mark. Don't know what they're doin', but I can feel it in my mark. Every few weeks lately. Whatever it is, it isn't workin'." His words were so nonchalantly delivered that neither Steve nor Nezryn knew how to reply.  
"Does it hurt?" Her words were once again whispered and she knew that without his super hearing he would have never heard her. He shrugged again.  
"Sure. Messing with soul marks always hurts, but it couldn't have been anywhere near as bad as what they felt." His brows furrowed slightly and he looked thoughtful "If I did find them, it would only be to tell them it isn't worth it. The pain. They can stop hurting themselves, I won't force myself on anyone." He spoke directly to her, their eyes locking, his words were gentle, his tone too light for the subject matter. The realization struck her too late. He knew. Maybe he had always known. He knew her deepest secret. That he, James Barnes, was her soulmate. The panic in her chest started to rise again, she wanted to look away, anywhere other than at him, but she was frozen in place by his steel blue eyes.  
She fought back the tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.  
"I'm so sorry, James" she whispered, not breaking eye contact with him. It was getting harder to deny her tears the longer she stared into his eyes. He was a good man. He didn't believe he was, but it was true nonetheless. The last thing she had ever meant to do was hurt him. He continues to stare at her, not saying a word now.  
"Don't worry, baby. Buck's been through much worse" Nezryn was suddenly aware of Steve's hand squeezing hers comfortingly. His words, however, were more bitter than comforting. She finally managed to tear her eyes away from Bucky's when his phone started ringing. He rolled his eyes and started scooting out of his seat.  
"Nat again. Gotta take this" and suddenly he was across the room and out the door, phone to his ear.  
"I didn't know soulmates could feel each other's mark" she whispered as she watched his back disappear behind the door of the bar.  
Steve wrapped his arms around her and held her close. They waited like that for Bucky to come back, neither of them saying a word for the longest time until Steve just couldn't seem to stay quiet anymore.  
"You like him" his voice was almost questioning.  
"Of course I do. Why?" Could Steve know? Why wouldn't he? Bucky is his best friend, if he knows, then he would have told Steve. Right? And for the first time, she found herself wondering if that was a bad thing. Bucky was wonderful. So much better than she could have ever imagined her soul mate would be. Would it be so bad to give in to her feelings for him, even if they had been forced on her? But then what about Steve?  
Her thoughts quieted again as Steve's thumb rubbed over her bottom lip.  
"Would you take Bucky on a date for me?"  
"Excuse me?" She had to have heard him wrong. There was no way those words just came out of Steve Rogers mouth.  
"I want you to take Bucky on a date. I can't help but worry about him. He won't even look in a woman's direction, but with you, he comes out of his shell. I was going to ask Nat, but they have a bit of a history and I don't think that would be healthy. I just want him to relax and maybe feel like himself a little more. Maybe realize he does deserve more." He shrugged his shoulders and tried to seem nonchalant about it, she could hear the stress in his voice.  
"You want me to take your best friend on a date?" She confirmed. He nodded.  
"He used to take Peg on "dates"" he offered like it explained everything. He had told her about Peggy Carter, of course, his soulmate who he met during the war. The only woman who would even look at him twice while he was still a small sickly man.  
"You should have seen Buck and Pegs together. It was beautiful. Never met anyone who could make her blush the way he could, not even me.  
The guys had a bet about how long Bucky could flirt with her until she laid him out for it. But she never did. I thought Bucky was gonna swoon the day he heard that she shot at me, or, well my shield I guess. He barged into the meeting we were having with Colonel Phillips, swept her up and just kissed her. Poor buck, I almost thought Phillips was gonna kill him for interrupting. Had him cleaning latrines for a week.  
There was nothing like it. Those two together. I could have watched them dance for hours. I know it might seem strange, it certainly was in our time, but seeing my best friend and my soulmate hold each other close swaying to Bucky humming one of his favorite songs, it made me feel like I had finally found everything in life. I had everything. It was the happiest I'd ever been. The happiest I've ever seen Bucky.  
What he went through, it's unimaginable. I just want him to be okay, to know he deserves the world" The range of emotions through his story was still working its way through her brain, the pride, the laughter, the uncertainty, the wistfulness, all with a small undertone of grief. Peggy had been without Steve for 70 years by the time she had passed, Steve has only had to live without Peggy for a few years. And something told Nezryn that the pain of losing his soulmate was never going to fully go away.  
"Okay," her mouth answered before her brain had even fully comprehended exactly what Steve was saying. He had never come out and said it, that Bucky was Peggy's lover. Just that he had taken her on "dates", that he had kissed her, but his tone had been teasing and mocking as he said it and she wondered if it had been more.  
"I can't say if it'll help or not though. What he went through, Steve, it might not be fixable. He might never be okay" and the words hurt. They hurt because she realized that not only were they true, but she was also partially to blame for his pain. He thinks he doesn't deserve love and his soulmate, the person who is supposed to be there and love him through everything, is visibly rejecting him. And dating his best friend. She cringed. Both at herself, and at the look of hope that blossomed over Steve's face.  
"He will be. I know he will be."


	7. Chapter 7

"Ready to go, doll?" His voice called from down the hall and Nezryn swore lightly under her breath. Either the former assassin had broken into her apartment or her roommate was home and let him in. She hadn't even heard him knock.  
"Hold your horses, soldier, you're early" She half yelled over her shoulder, knowing without a doubt he heard her.  
She was currently halfway through her French braid and hadn't even put clothes on yet. At least if Lily was here she'd be cornering him in the living room and not giving him any space to sneak off to her room. So the plus side of having a horny roommate who tries to sleep with every hot guy she sees is that the chance of him walking in on her naked is slightly thinner. Not that she could see Bucky doing that anyway. And of course, as soon as the thought was had, she heard footsteps moving down the hall. She had just enough time to snatch her towel off the bed and wrap it around herself before the door to her room burst open and a whirlwind of frizzy red hair sprang into her room.  
"O.M.G. Who is the hottie in our living room right now? Did you and Steve break up, or is he free game? Do NOT try to tell me that is Steve. Please, please, please, tell me I can handcuff him to my bed." Her words were out so fast Nezryn could barely even follow them.  
"Lily, lily. You gotta slow down when you talk to me. You know I don't speak sugar rush" this was a typical conversation for the two. Nezryn saw her tiny roommate like a hyper Labrador puppy.  
"His name is James, which if he didn't introduce himself, it was very rude of him" she purposely spoke just a tad louder, knowing he would be listening to their conversation "Me and Steve did not break up, that's Steve's best friend. As for handcuffing him to your bed, you'll have to ask him, I have no idea what he prefers." She couldn't help the smirk on her face as she imagined what was going through his head during their conversation.  
"Now, if you would excuse me, I'm naked."  
"Yes, you are" the deep voice made both the girls jump, Nezryn holding her towel just a little closer to her body. She spun around to see her bedroom door still wide open, and Bucky leaning against the door frame with his arms covered staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face.  
"Jesus Christ, Bucky!" Nezryn exclaimed, touching her hand to her chest "you scared the shit out of me. You need a bell so I can actually hear when you walk around". Bucky frowned at her.  
"Get dressed" he practically growled before spinning on his heel and stalking away, back to the living room probably. She could tell he was angry but she couldn't think of why he would be.  
She spun around again, throwing her towel on the bed, not caring that Lilly was still in her room or that the door was still wide open. She knew he wouldn't be coming back to her room. Her clothes were already picked and laid out on her bed thankfully and she had them on in less than a minute. Lily, surprisingly, was sitting in silence the whole time.  
"Nez. Are you sure this guy's safe?" Lily whispered suddenly, hand on Nezryn's arm.  
"Yes, Lil. I promise. I trust James. I know he can be sorta scary sometimes, but I trust him with my life."  
"You called him Bucky" she sounded unsure, still unconvinced about the safety of her friend.  
"It's a nickname. Short for Buchanan, his middle name. I should have introduced him as Bucky since that's what everyone actually calls him. I trust him, Lily" her hand slowly fell from Nezryn's arm and Nezryn gave her hand a slight squeeze before exiting the room and heading to Bucky, who was standing awkwardly near the door, face still unreadable. His eyes were sweeping the apartment, lingering on doors and windows, body held stiff and at attention. Nezryn slowly walked toward him, watching as his eyes zeroed in on her, watching her walk toward him like he was a wolf hunting and her the prey he set his eyes on. The movement of Lily behind her made his eyes dart over her shoulder before locking with hers again. They had explained that this happened sometimes. When Bucky got a bit too stressed, he would sometimes have "flashbacks" to being the winter soldier. It was like his emotions shut down and he ran on instinct only. Like resetting to factory settings almost, as it had been explained to her. She had been assured he wasn't actually a danger like that, not unless he deemed you dangerous. This was the first time she had seen it happen with her own eyes and she struggled to keep the fear from her heart as she watched his dull eyes, devoid of any emotion, anything that made him Bucky.  
"Hey, Buck." She greeted quietly, laying one hand on his jacket covered arm. His eyes followed her movement, before his body slowly relaxed under her touch as she rubbed her thumb against the leather.  
"Hey yourself, doll" the flirty smile she was used to blossoming across his face and she could feel the answering blush on her cheeks. "Sorry I snapped at you. I didn't mean it." His large hand cupped her cheek, thumb sweeping over it.  
"It's okay, Bucky. I understand. You good now?" She tried so hard not to lean into his touch. So so hard.  
"I'm good. No more flashbacks for me tonight. Cross my heart" he teased, standing up tall and taking his hand from her face to lay over his heart. "If I go soldier on you again, just shoot me. That'll knock me outta it. Aim for the leg though."  
"James! PTSD is not something to joke about!" She admonished, pushing his shoulder gently and watching as he over exaggerated being pushed. "Besides, what makes you think I would even know how to shoot a gun if I had one?"  
"What?" His surprise was, again, over exaggerated. "A firecracker like you can't shoot? Well, that'll have to be remedied. We're going to the range this weekend."  
"How forward of you, James. Haven't even gotten through our first date and you're already planning a second" she pulled out her finest southern belle accent from her theater days, face arranging into a perfect mask of mock incredibility.  
"Oh, I don't need a first date to know I'll get another sweetheart. No one can resist me" he teased back, wiggling his eyebrows at her as he caught her waist in his hands and moved her closer, pretending to try and land a huge smooch on her face. She batted him away, laughing.  
"Let's get going before I kick that pretty butt of yours into next week, soldier." She was still laughing, pulling him to the door of the apartment.  
"Did ya hear that? She thinks my butt is pretty" he spoke over her shoulder, directing a wink to her and smiling and suddenly Nezryn realized Lily was still there, in the hallway, watching them. Her eyes were narrowed slightly, not seeming at all amused by their exchange.  
"Bye Lil!" She yelled over Bucky's shoulder as she continued to drag him through the door, ignoring Lily's questioning gaze "I'll text you later!"  
They hadn't even gotten to the ground floor yet before Nezryn's phone was going off in her pocket.  
'Are you sure he isn't with THEM?' - L  
Nezryn sighed as she read the text, finally understanding Lily's reaction to Bucky's slip in personality.  
'Yes, Lils. He's safe. I'm sorry I didn't realize what was going on before. Thank you for being so worried about me, you're a great friend. I promise I'll keep in contact with you all night if it'll make you feel better' -N  
"What was that about?" Bucky was walking next to her, slowing his steps to meet hers and she realized he was at the perfect vantage point to read her texts if he wanted to.  
"Nothing. Lily is just a worry wart." She brushed it off, almost daring him to say something and confirm that he had snooped, but he shrugged his shoulders instead, bringing his flesh hand up to rest on the small of her back as they walked down the last flight of stairs. He's tense again though and looks entirely unconvinced by her answer. As soon as the got to the street, Nezryn was met with the terrifying sight of a sleek black motorcycle. There were reasons Nezryn lived in New York, and one of those was not needing motor vehicles to get around. Nezryn didn't like cars, but they were doable. Motorcycles, however, that was a different story.  
"You are not getting me on that thing." She stopped in front of it, crossing her arms in front of her chest and planting her feet firmly on the ground, shaking her head.  
"Why not?" Bucky's smile had turned teasing again as he easily straddled the bike. "Come on, doll. Live a little" he patted the seat behind him and held out a helmet for her.  
"Not gonna happen. Nope. Nope. Nope" she started backing away a few steps and suddenly Bucky was in front of her, their bodies just barely touching as he tilted his head down towards hers.  
"We can take the subway if you want. It'll take a bit longer and we'll have to do a bit more walking" he suggested quietly, eyes searching her face as they stood on the street. She knew he could hear her heart pounding in her chest at his nearness. She couldn't look away from his eyes, she never seemed to be able to look away from his eyes.  
"It's okay" her eyes widened at her own words. She seemed to surprise herself a lot when he was around, her mouth spewing words before her brain had a chance to comprehend them.  
A smile broke out on his face and before she had a chance to take back her words a helmet was being secured on her head and she was picked up off the ground, being deposited directly into the seat of the metal death machine. Bucky climbed on in front of her and turned back with a flirty smile as he started the bike up.  
"You're gonna wanna hold on, doll" he warned, pulling out into traffic almost immediately. Startled, Nezryn jumped and gripped the back of his jacket, almost giving in to the startled shriek that wanted to rip out of her throat as he accelerated down the street. With her front pressed into his back and her arms around his waist, palms pressed firmly against the hard plains of his abdomen, she could clearly feel the amused chuckle that the wind drowned out. So she huffed and pinched him. Teach him to laugh at her. But of course, all it did was make him laugh more. His laughter stopped when she slid her cold hands under his shirt, pressing her palms against the skin of his abs. She told herself it was just because the wind was freezing and she didn't have gloves. Even she didn't believe herself. But the skin on skin contact settled her and she felt herself relaxing into his body as they drove, leaning her head on the large expanse of his back and focusing on her breathing and the feel of him under her hands.

The restaurant he took her too was nice. Nicer than either of them were dressed for, but Bucky led her around the back and in through the kitchen, sharing jokes and smiles with the various cooks and wait staff as they walked through the kitchen and to a small staircase off to the side, just outside the kitchen door. They had never even had to enter the main restaurant. The door at the top of the stairs opened up to a balcony overlooking a small garden. It was beautiful, despite the time of year meaning the flowers were all dead. A waitress was waiting just outside the door, leading them to a small table near the railing. The balcony itself was tiny, holding only a half dozen or so tables. It was lit softly and decorated more elegantly than she'd ever seen. She felt like she was at a rich person's wedding. Even the waitress was dressed better than she was. But Bucky's easy smile, along with his jeans and worn leather jacket, helped ease her discomfort at feeling like she just didn't belong.  
"The Avengers come here a lot. One of Steve and I's old friends from the war started this place. His granddaughter owns it now and turned it into all of this." He gestured around him with his hands, shrugging his shoulder at the same time before helping her out of her jacket and hanging it on the back of one of the chairs, pulling it out and gesturing for her to sit before taking his own seat across from her.  
"One day I'll have to take you down to the main floor, they have a lot of Stevie's old art hanging on the walls. You'll love it" and she knew she would. She loved Steve's art, could watch him draw for hours and she knew Bucky felt the same. Steve had laughed about it the first time she had watched him draw.  
"You know, you and buck aren't so different." His eyes never left his sketchbook, hands never slowing as he adjusted his thin lines over the paper.  
"What are you talking about?" She sat up straighter on the couch, always a little twitchy when the subject turned to Bucky.  
"He used to watch me draw with that same expression on his face. It used to make me so angry. I thought he was trying to make me feel better or something, you know because I was so sick all the time."  
"When did you realize it wasn't pity?" He laughed and finally looked up from his work, twisting his body to face hers and leaning on his arm over her legs from where he sat on the floor.  
"During the war. I was no longer small or sick and he still sat and watched me draw with that dumb look on his face. Like he'd never seen anything as fantastic." He snorted "the man's seen me stop a tank with my bare hands and still never looked half impressed as he did while I was drawing." She burst out laughing at his annoyed tone and laughed even harder when Steve couldn't keep his expression straight and laughed with her.  
"I really would love that. Thank you"  
Their dinner was not unlike her first dinner with Steve, there were small conversations and mostly comfortable silence. Bucky didn't hold her hand like Steve had but he extended his legs under the table, meeting hers in the middle, content with their legs brushing together. Nezryn had worried that being alone with Bucky would be awkward or just feel weird, but it never was. She was wholly surprised by how absolutely normal it felt to be causally eating dinner alone with James Buchanan Barnes. And last week the thought of being comfortable with him had scared her, but now it only made her sort of nervous. And maybe it wasn't even a bad nervous.  
The sound of the door opening again was ignored as they talked softly over their, now cleared, table.  
"My son, how lovely it is to see you here" the voice that spoke was most certainly not the waitress, but Bucky's face broke into an unwitting smile before he even looked up at the woman making her way across the room, her sliver dreadlocks the most beautiful contrast to her dark skin.  
Bucky stood and was to her before she had even made it halfway to them.  
"Queen Mother! What a surprise" he sounded happier than she had ever seen him before as he pulled the woman into a hug, looking behind her to the two others who had followed the woman up the stairs.  
"Brother!" The young woman came out of nowhere and had launched herself at Bucky, laughing as he caught her spun her around like she was a child.  
"White wolf" the other man stood just behind the older woman, nodding his head gracefully at Bucky as he spun the younger woman around.  
"King T'Challa" Bucky nodded his head in respect, setting the woman on her feet and clasping the man's arm in greeting.  
"What brings you to New York? Steve will be sad to miss you guys" the woman was still clinging to Bucky's metal arm, tugging and twisting and tinkering around with it.  
"Steven knows we are here, that is how we knew where to find you. Though he did not tell us you had company, I am very sorry for our intrusion. Shuri would not rest until she had checked on you" the king glance over Bucky's shoulder at Nezryn, who had been watching half in shock and half amused.  
"This Nezryn" Bucky introduced her, walking them back over to the table and holding out his hand for her to take, hauling her to her feet from her chair.  
"Nezryn, this is T'Challa, King of Wakanda, the Queen Mother, and Princess Shuri. They helped fix my mind after everything that happened." Bucky explained as Nezryn shook hands with the three royals in front of her, so starstruck she couldn't manage even a small "hello".  
"And I adopted the poor broken white man as my brother. I couldn't help it. Our family has a soft spot for strays it would seem"Shuri told her laughingly. "Anyway, we came to make an appointment. You must be at the compound next weekend so I can do upgrades" the young woman continued talking as T'challa patted Bucky's arm, sticking what looked like a small round sticker onto the shoulder of Bucky's metal arm. He looked at it warily, then looked from the amused expression of Shuri to the exasperated expression of T'challa.

"What's it do?" his tone was cautious and he hadn't touched it yet, fingers hovering centimeters over the dot.

"It'll shut your arm down if you miss your appointment" Shuri exclaimed happily before swirling out of Bucky's reach at his annoyed groan and half grab at her. She laughed as she rushed to the door. "It was nice to meet you Nezryn!" And she was gone. Bucky groaned again.

"She knew you would not willingly go otherwise. Don't try to skip it, disabling the arm is not the only effect it has." T'challa grimaced "You don't want to find out the other effects, so don't be late." Nezryn watched as Bucky said goodbye to them, the happy smile not leaving his face even after they were gone.


	8. Chapter 8

The lights were still on in her apartment, she could see them under the door, meaning Lily had stayed up waiting for her. It wasn't even particularly late, but Lily worked early the next morning and should have been in bed shortly after she had left for her date with Bucky. They were standing awkwardly in the hallway, Nezryn's keys clutched in her hand like they were a lifeline.

"I had a really good time tonight, James" she blushed and looked away. How do you act after a date with your boyfriend's best friend who just happens to be your soulmate?

"I did too. Thank you for letting Stevie talk ya into it, doll" he teased.

"Well, I'm glad he talked you into it too" she teased back, but when she looked up he wasn't smiling anymore. And he was closer to her, much much closer. The predatory look was back in his eyes and when he took a step closer she unconsciously took a step backwards, pressing her back to the door. He took another step until he was looming over her, forcing her to crane her neck up to keep eye contact, the heat from his body pressing gently into hers made her shiver slightly. A small smile took over his face, this one predatory too, to match the gleam in his eye. He looked like he was going to eat her alive and at this point Nezryn was sure that she would go willingly. He leaned down, eyes still staring into her own, until their noses were just barely brushing together and their breaths were mingling, his lips so tantalizingly close to hers that she could almost taste it. Another shiver pressed down her spine as she found herself leaning toward his warmth, tilting her face up toward him more, trying to close the distance between them without even thinking about it. He chuckled slightly, keeping the exact same amount of distance between them no matter where she moved. He brushed his nose against hers, moving to just barely brush his lips against her cheek, sweeping down to her neck and letting his forehead rest against her shoulder for a second before his lips were at her ear.

"I don't have to be talked into anything when it concerns you, doll. I'd do anything for you" he words were husky, breath hitting aginst her skin and causing goosbumps to pop up across her exposed skin. He nosed at her ear slightly before laying a featherlight kiss on her neck under her ear, nose tracing her jawline back to her face before he bumped their noses together once more and took a step back. He didnt say anything else to her as he turned and walked away and Nezryn couldn't find the words to say anything to him either. She just watched as he walked away from her, turning to give her one last smile before disappearing down the stairs. Her knees were weak and her breathing uneven and she didnt even know how long she stood there staring at the empty hallway before she had managed to collect herself enough to stop leaning against the door and pick up her keys from the floor. Keys she had absolutely no memory of dropping.

Lily could tell the moment she walked through the door that something had happened, Nezryn knew she could. Her mind was still reeling from what happened in the hallway enough that she couldn't even try to pretend otherwise and normally she was a very good actress, she'd always had to be.

"What happened?" Lily asked after a few mintues, she was scared, and for the first time Nezryn realized she was holding a very familiar backpack in one hand and a small duffle bag in the other. Nezryn waved her hand at Lily, shaking her head.

"No, Lily, nothing bad happened, you can put them back. I told you, I trust James" and Nezryn was surprised and happy at the steady tone of her voice "James is my soulmate". It felt almost good to finally admit it to someone, even if that someone was not either of the people she needed to admit it to. She felt a little lighter, a bit less guilty.

"He's one of them" the fear did not disappear from her friends voice however and now she seemed to be even more twitchy than she had been when Nezryn first walked in. The bags had been dropped at her feet and she was wringing her hands. "We need to leave. Call Dimitri. I knew I had seen him before. God damn it, I just couldnt place him. It was his eyes, those damn eyes have haunted me for years. We need to leave. It was him. He came looking for you two." She was babbling again, going a mile a minute, words just barely above a whisper as she paced around the living room. Nezryn frowned at her, grabbing her friend by the shoulders and forcing her to stop moving.

"It's okay, Lils. I know who he is, who he was in the past. It's okay, he won't hurt her, he won’t hurt me, he won't hurt you, he won't hurt Dimitri. We're okay, he isn't with them anymore" she dragged the other girl into her arms, rubbing soothing patterns on her back until her friend was no longer hysterical.

"I can't go through that again, Nezzy. I can't" her friend sobbed, clutching her tight.

"It's okay. Get your bag, go to the house, take a vacation." Nezryn was already moving, pulling the girl with her toward the kitchen and kicking up the loose floorboards, grabbing a new backpack and duffle bag, thrusting them into Lily's hands and depositing the other one's back into the space.

"I can't leave you though" Lily whispered, brokenly, still fearful.

"Hey, everything's fine. I promise.I'll stay with Steve, how does that sound? I can't be much safer than staying with Captian America himself" Nezryn joked, before wincing and cursing herself. She'd never told Lily that Steve was Steve Rogers, Captain America. "I mean - uhh-"

"Oh my god!" and like a flip was switched, her friend was back, eyes wide and girlish smile, completed by the loud squeal. "Captain AMERICA?? HOW have you never told me this? Why am I just learning this NOW? Oh My God. You are dating Captian America. Captain Godbless America. Captain holy shit that's a fine ass. Seriously have you seen his ass? It is fiiiiiiiiine". Nezryn put a hand on her hip and tilted her up to the ceiling and breathed out a huge sigh.

"This. This is why I didnt tell you" but she was smiling now, they both were, and Lily spent the next 20 minutes gushing over Captain America to her over the phone as Lily drove to their vacation spot.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter, sorry! Just wanted to get a little bit of a view from Bucky's mind, I guess.

It took every single ounce of control Bucky had in him to back away from Nezryn. He could almost still feel her body under his, see those wide hazel eyes staring so innocently into his, could almost still feel the way her body leaned toward him, those lips practically begging for him to claim them. But he couldn't. She could see her need for him, he felt the same thing, it was intense. Both better and worse than anything he had ever felt before and he knew it wasn't what she wanted, he wasn't what she wanted. And he couldn't blame her, he had been broken and then haphazardly stitched back together in ways that made no sense, pieces sewn together that had no business being near each other and chunks completely missing. She deserved better than that, she deserved someone who she had chosen to fall in love with, not someone fate had been trying to force on her. Someone like Steve, who though Bucky knew was far from perfect, was a good man. He was someone who could take care of her, give her everything the world had to offer, not like himself. He had nothing to give. He was nothing but the broken shell of a man who had way too much blood on his hands.

The first thing he noticed when he left the building was Steve leaning against a car, just down the street, arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles, a slight frown on his face.

"Why didn't you kiss her?" Steve asked as Bucky walked nearer, pretending not to notice him at all.

"She's your girl Steve, you go kiss her" he tried to act offended since they seemed to be doing the thing where they try to hide their feelings around each other again. Steve pushed up off the car and grabbed his arm, pushing up the sleeve of his leather jacket and pointed to the still slightly pulsing tattoo on his wrist.

"No. She's your girl, Buck." Bucky wrenched his arm from Steve's grip and shrugged.

"She don't want me, punk. You and I both know it." He patted Steve's shoulder as he walked past him. "It's okay, Stevie. All I need is to know that you are both happy. It's enough for me".

"It's not being forced on her, you know. If it was the soul bond forcing the feelings she wouldn't feel them when you aren't there, but she does. I see the worry in her eyes when you leave, I hear the way she talks about you, the way she asks about you when you guys don't talk for more than a day. She's in love with you, Buck. You both are going to need to accept that eventually".


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I really not post this chapter? I feel like I did, but my account is showing I didn't. please let me know if it ends up being a duplicate! if it is I'm really sorry! I'm working hard on the next chapter but have ongoing health problems and am currently trying to pretend they don't exist so I can avoid surgery (for a little while at least). not my smartest plan since things will just keep getting worse, but I'm lazy and fearful so it's what my brain is telling me to do.

_The lights in her room didn't work, the thin line of light spilling out from under her door was the only light to shine into the room, day after day. In the full light, she supposed the room looked harmless enough. Maybe even like a normal child's room. But hers was not. There were no windows, only curtains that led to cement walls when pulled back, no closets or nooks to hide in. It was big enough to fit a small bed, an unassuming rocking chair, and a nightstand between them. In the far corner was a tiny space cut out of the wall that served as a sad excuse for a bathroom. A small sink and toilet the only things in there, not even a mirror. There was no door._  
 _The light under the door was eclipsed briefly as footsteps were heard walking by and she stiffened in response as a second pair of footsteps stopped outside her door, blocking out the light in two spots. She turned her head back, laying down as flat to the floor as she could, pushing her head into her pillow and trying her hardest to stifle her cries as she hears the lock turn in the door and the slow creek of the hinges as the door opened. The footsteps moved a few feet into the room and stopped. The door closed. The lock turned. She held her breath._  
 _Hands were on her ankles and yanking her out from under her bed where she had been hiding. Where she always hid. The only place she could. The hands moved from her legs to her arms, lifting her roughly and tossing her onto the bed, a deep, viscous cackle breaking the silence of the night. Or day. She could never be sure._  
 _His hand clutched her face tight, cruel voice demanding she open her eyes. Eyes that she hadn't even realized she had screwed tightly shut. His eyes bore into hers when she opened them. His cruel sneer seared into her brain through her tears as his mouth crashed down onto hers at the same time his fist found her ribs hard enough that she was sure she felt them crack this time._  
The scream stuck in her throat as she bolted up in bed, heart pounding, gasping for breath, sweating profusely, the covers twisted all around her body. Her phone was in her hand and ringing before she had fully registered moving from her spot.  
"Hello?" The voice was husky, thick with sleep but she instantly felt her body relax slightly.  
"Hi" she whispered, still shaking, tears still running down her face "I didn't mean to wake you. I- I'm not even sure what time it is. Shit. I'm sorry" her tears were coming faster now, voice betraying her, shaking even through her whispers.  
"Where are you?" The sleep was gone from his voice and she could hear rustling through the phone telling her he was up and moving around.  
"At home. In bed"  
"We'll be there in 10. Don't hang up" she knew he could hear the tears through the phone, despite how hard she was trying to suppress them. She clutched the phone to her ear and listened to the rustling and quiet conversations going on on the other side of the phone, hearing Bucky ask her every few minutes if she was still there. True to his word, Bucky was striding into her room followed closely by a visibly upset Steve less than 10 minutes later. Both men breathing heavily enough that she guessed they had run to her place. She managed to turn her head slightly as they walked into her room, Bucky walking straight to her and wrapping his arms around her, lifting her gently from her place on the floor. Her phone still clutched tightly to her ear. Steve hesitated at the door for a moment, watching Bucky clutch Nezryn to his chest tightly, before quietly closing the door behind him and crossing the room. He carefully pried the phone out of her grip, ending the call that neither her or Bucky had thought to end, and tossing it lightly over to the nightstand before wrapping his arms around both her and Bucky, clinging to her back, while she clung to Bucky's front. Her whole body shook with her tears as she clutched Bucky's shirt in her fists and wept, any panic and terror she had been feeling giving way to grief now that she felt safe.  
She didn't know how long she cried into his chest, but eventually, it stopped. She felt safe and loved enveloped in two pairs of strong arms, two pairs of hands rubbing patterns over her back and shoulders, two chests pressed against her, breathing in tandem. Drawing in slow deliberate breaths, probably trying to help calm her. Neither of them said a word for a long time, both being content to just hold her and be there for her.  
"I'm sorry" she whispered again. The first words said since they had entered her room.  
"No need to be sorry, baby," Steve whispered against her hair, dipping his head down to feather kisses on the back of her neck. She sighed and relaxed back into him slightly.  
"We're here whenever you need us, baby" Bucky chimed in, squeezing her hips slightly before continuing to rub circles up her sides. Her head shot up when Bucky used Steve's term of endearment for her. Her body reacted in much the same way it had the first time she heard Steve utter the word. If either of them noticed her reaction, they didn't mention it and soon she found herself drifting off standing pressed between their bodies.  
"Don't leave me" she whimpered, her face turned toward Steve's, their fingers now entwined against Bucky's chest.  
"Never" they whispered together, before shuffling awkwardly to her small bed. Bucky slowly loosened his grip on her, leaning her back into Steve fully as Steve slowly arranged his huge body next to her on her bed, scooting as far over as he could on the bed, leaving plenty of room for Bucky to crawl in next to them, pulling the blanket up and tucking them in. She was facing Steve now with Bucky pressed tightly against her back. She sighed, almost happily. Steve smiled affectionately at her as she burrowed back into Bucky's warmth, pulling Steve closer to her front while she drifted off to sleep. Both men following soon after.

"You wanna talk about it?" Bucky asked lightly, back turned toward her as he stood at the stove flipping the omelets.  
"No." She whined, sitting at the table with her knees to her chest watching the two shirtless men navigate her kitchen as if it were theirs. They worked seamlessly together, both preparing breakfast, yet neither ever in each other's way, even in the small unfamiliar space. Part of her felt like she was watching an old couple as they laughed and bantered through their morning routine. She would have had to be blind to miss the looks they were shooting each other.  
"It'll make you feel better, doll" he had returned to the usual nickname for her and a small secret part of her was disappointed. She buried her face in her knees, not quite sure if she was ready for this. She and Steve had been dating for nearly a year now, yet she had never opened up about her childhood to him. Never spoke a word of it. Never thought of it, if she could help it. But she knew he needed to know. He deserved to know everything, including her bond with Bucky, they both deserved it. But it terrified her.  
"I didn't have an easy childhood" her voice was muffled since she spoke directly into her knees. She knew both men had heard her though, so she tried to leave it at that, but when she glanced up they were both staring at her waiting for more.  
"My mom and dad were soulmates" she shrugged, turning her head away from them so they couldn't see the tears forming in her eyes again "He was a terrible person. I thought he was the worst a person could be. Until I met his friend. Even now I don't know how my father knew a person like that or what he was doing in my house, but he took one look at my mark and laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And told me he knew my soulmate, that he was an awful person, a killer, a monster. That he'd love to get his hands on a 'cute thing like me'." She glanced at Bucky, she couldn't help it. His back was stiff and he was no longer looking at her, focusing now on the food. "I was only 8. I had no way to know what a lying bastard he was. I already didn't have a good view of soulmates. I grew up watching my father abuse my mother and she stayed. Because of the damned soulmark. She couldn't feel whole without him, couldn't feel happy. Not like she was happy even with him. So this guy terrified me. The thought of having a soulmate who was the same as my father, or even worse. It was my worst nightmare, or so I thought at the time. The guy came back, multiple times, until one day he brought another man with. My soulmate, he said, but he wasn't. I don't know how they managed to fake the soul mark, but I knew it wasn't real. He hurt me, and when I fought back he told my father their deal was off. Which was when the other guy stepped up, told my father he would do it, whatever it was, as long as the conditions were the same. He told me he would protect me. Make sure my soulmate could never find me, make sure no one could ever hurt me again. Trying to play savior, act like he actually cared about me. He was lying. But my dad let him take me anyway. I can still hear my mom screaming and begging my father, begging me to forgive her for not taking me away." She shivered, remembering the shouting and the feel of the hands pulling her body from the house, remembered the smell of the gas from the old truck running, her father's truck. "They took me somewhere underground. Locked me in a cell, called it a bedroom. I was allowed out twice in the years I was there, both toward the beginning. You were there." She directed her gaze to Bucky again. And this time he turned to face her, the panic written plainly against his face. He was afraid they had used him against her, had made him hurt her.  
"I'm not sure you ever saw me. It was only in passing. But both times you were there. They threatened me with you. The winter soldier, they whispered, the asset. And I was terrified. Until the day I heard your screams. How terrified you sounded, how much pain you were in. The guards weren't supposed to be talking but they gossiped like teenagers. The asset was having feelings, they said, was worried about the child, was questioning again. And that's when I realized you were even more of a prisoner than I was.  
I wasn't allowed out again." She breathed heavily. Both men stunned silent to realized their girl had been sold to hydra of all places. Had been held prisoner. As a child. The rage was starting to blossom in their chests, pounding through their veins. The spatula in Bucky's hand breaking under his grip.  
"I was there for 6 years." The tears were spilling again. She had been doing so well, she thought. Not breaking down again at just the thought of telling them.  
"Demi- Dimitri, helped me get out. He was Alexi's little brother, practically a prisoner himself. He hated his brother. And hydra. It took us almost a year to memorize the guard's patterns and start hiding away tools to help us.  
We ran. Never staying in the same place longer than a few days, always looking over our shoulders. We met Lily that first night, she brought us clothes and food, and decided to come with us. She was running too, had been for a few years. So we all continued to run. All across the country, trying not to leave any sort of trail. Using fake names, switching clothing, dying hair, using colored contacts, until finally, we settled here. We managed to get new identities and figured blending in would be easier in such a big place." She shrugged her shoulders again, through her tears as she curled up on herself even more. "Last night I had a nightmare about being back in there. Seeing Alexi's cruel smirk and evil eyes. I panicked. I didn't even realize I had my phone or who I was calling. But thank you guys for coming. I'm not sure I would have been okay without you." She didn't mean to admit it. Honestly, she didn't mean to admit anything she had admitted.  
"So that's why you said you were glad you never met your soulmate." Steve was next to her, one large hand rubbing up and down her back and she wondered idly how long he had been doing that. Bucky now had three plates of food loaded up and placed in front of them on the table, seated across from her, like usual. She had missed it all, drawn too far inside of herself. She had told them nearly everything and suddenly she didn't want to hold back anymore. She was going for broke here, playing on a hunch, which she realized, if she was wrong, maybe she'd lose everything. She nodded her head at Steve, eye's locked on Bucky's as his jaw locked, tensing impossibly farther.  
"A few years after escaping we met a guy, a tattoo artist, who was in the midst of developing a special ink to repel a soul mark. But he needed testers. My father and hydra had done a fine job of convincing me my soulmate was a monster who would hurt me if he ever found me, so I volunteered. It worked to cover it for a while, but I had to get it redone every once in a while. The more I got it done, the shorter it worked. It was supposed to break the mark down, until it was completely erased from the skin, but it never worked for more than a quick cover-up. The closer I got to him, the harder it was to hide, until I was covering it every week." She smiles at Steve then, memorizing his face, wishing the subject could have been a better one, knowing that her next words may drive him from her forever. "I thought of my soulmate as a monster. Until I met him" she turned her attention to Bucky once more. His hands balled into fists on the table, winter soldier mask fully in place. She rolled up her sleeve slightly, revealing her blue soul mark, glow pulsing slow in time with Bucky's own tattoo.  
"I never wanted the love that I thought would be forced on me. And when it happened I panicked. But I recognized you, I remember the pain, the sound of your screams. How I was the reason they were doing that to you. I still pushed down the feelings, but they just kept growing until I realized I don't need you, I never needed you, but I want you." She stood up and moved around the table to him, watching as he pushed his chair back and turned to face her.  
"You are a good man, James Buchanan Barnes, a man like you deserves the world, who unfairly had the worst thrust on him yet is somehow still a fantastic person. You are my soulmate, and I am no longer afraid of loving you." He stood so suddenly she thought he was going to bolt, his expression never changing through her speech. She braced herself for the rejection, his and Steve's. But Bucky didn't run. Instead, he stared down at her for what must have been the longest minute of her life, before his lips curled up into a slight smirk and his lips crashed down on hers so spectacularly she felt dizzy. He was finally, finally, kissing her, after all this time, she was finally in his arms with his lips on hers and it felt like the entire universe stood still as his lips moved hungrily over hers like a starved man. His hand gripped her waist, pulling her tight against his chest as her hands wound in the hair on the nape of his neck.  
"Oh god," she whispered dazedly when they finally pulled apart. She couldn't stop staring at him, couldn't stop touching him, she wanted his lips on hers again, but before she could move forward again, they were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Her heart sunk as they turned to Steve, who was still seated at the table, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, watching them.  
"Well, it's about damned time." He said, a smile cracking across his face "though it's a bit rude to start a party in the middle of the kitchen without inviting me" he pouted and it was, as always, one of the cutest things she'd ever seen. Steve was behind her before she could blink, leaning over her shoulder and cupping her face in his hand, touching his lips to hers softly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I wrote most of this at like 2 in the morning and still havent had any coffee yet (or eaten). It shouldnt be super rough, but i mean, not gonna be super pretty either. I'm working on the next chapter now and have it about half written, but probably won't post it until I at least get started on chapter 13. There isnt gonna be too much of this story left though. not sure on the chapter count yet, but I can imagine less than 5 more chapters, I already feel like it's being dragged out a little too much.

She'd like to say that things had transitioned smoothly from her relationship with just Steve to her relationship with Steve and Bucky, but honestly, she'd be lying. Her admission to the boys that morning had gone great, they held her while she cried and there was more kissing and cuddling and it was great. But as soon as she was out of their embrace she suddenly felt awkward and she knew it was all her. The boys seemed much more relaxed than she'd ever seen them, happy, at ease in their own skin in a way she had never noticed they weren't before. She'd even seen Bucky kiss Steve on the forehead and thank him, for what, she had no idea. Steve seemed to be just as surprised and confused as she was, but he didn't say anything, just took the affection and went on with his day. Maybe it's because they hadn't talked it over yet. For months she'd been fighting down her attraction to her boyfriend's best friend, trying not to feel like she was betraying him, but at the same time feeling like she was betraying her soulmate who witnessed the whole relationship without one complaint. And now it was weird. She could touch them, kiss them, both of them, whenever she wanted to, but she couldn't quite wrap her head around it yet. And what about them? The looks, the fierce protectiveness of each other, the kiss on Steve's forehead this morning, what where they to each other? Was she with Steve and Bucky and them only with her, or were they with each other too? What if they weren't? Would that make things less weird or more weird? She settled on more weird.

Somehow they ended up at their usual booth at the bar, Bucky sitting across from Nezryn, Steve next to her with his arm thrown across her shoulders, exactly like they'd done so many times before except this time her feet were in Bucky's lap and he was absentmindedly tracing patterns against the skin of her ankle. She relaxed in the air of familiarity and once her mild panic attack was over she decided she needed to just bring it up. She couldn't wait anymore, she needed to get her mind straightened around what was happening. Before she could even open her mouth to interrupt Steve and Bucky's conversation the ringing of Steve's phone interrupted them.

"Think it's for you baby," he said, holding it up so she could see the face of her best friend smooshed against the screen like he was trapped in there. She rolled her eyes at the picture, which he insisted be his contact picture for everyone who had his number.

"Demi, what's wrong?" She had given her oldest friend Steve and Bucky's numbers, with the strict instructions to never call them unless it was an emergency. She figured it was just because she left her phone at home and he was panicking, but she couldn't fight back the slight anxiety at seeing his number on Steve's phone.

"Hello, Nezryn. It's been some time" the voice on the other side of the phone was pleasant and cool, he sounded like he was an old friend eager to catch up. But he was not Dimitri. As soon as the voice hit her ear she jolted up in the small space, jumping over Steve quicker than either of the two soldiers had ever seen her move.  
"Where is he?" She demanded in Russian as her hand hit the door to the bar. She tried to level her voice, desperately trying to keep the panic from being noticeable.  
"Now, now, Nezzy. You know that isn't how this works." He replies in Russian so thickly accented she almost couldn't understand him despite her vast knowledge of the language.  
"You know what I want, Nezryn. You better bring it to me. Or he dies. Again" Nezryn released every swear word she knew at him, in every language she knew. He laughed at her as a gunshot went off in the background.  
"Stop! I'm on my way. Leave him alone!" She practically growled into the phone, trying her hardest not to cry out at the sound of an additional gunshot.  
"Better hurry. He doesn't have long" the voice taunted before the call ended. The tears were running freely, she didn't know how long, or if they just started but she knew she didn't have time for it. And even though she knew that she still couldn't help that her knees felt weak, and she felt herself falling in her panic and grief. But she never hit the ground. A pair of arms wrapped around her small body and held her up, her face pressed tight against a hard chest. She clutched at him, crying into his chest and letting him bare all her weight. She felt his hand rubbing her back, and felt his lips on the top of her head, realizing it was Bucky as she felt his hair brush against her.  
"Who was that, doll?"  
"Alexi Levka" She manages to whisper the name, shivering as she said it like it was a curse, something forbidden and slimy.  
"What does he want, doll?" How he managed to stay so gentle with her, so gentle but insistent in the face of her mental breakdown, she would never be able to comprehend.  
"Me." She shivered again, more tears falling.  
Bucky froze underneath her hands, body tense, muscles coiled like he was waiting to pounce on prey. Now she found her hands roaming his body, smoothing up his chest and across his shoulders, down his arms, rubbing soothing patterns into his skin, some unconscious part of her needing to make him feel better. Even as she continued to cry against him.  
"We need to know where, doll." He bit the words out, only relaxing fractionally under her touch. She nodded to him, face still pressed against his chest.  
"Demi's apartment, across town." Her tears were slowing, her panic ebbing slightly. They would get to him on time, she told herself. They had to.  
"Umm. Guys. Wanna clue me into what's going on?" Steve's words broke through to her and she realized suddenly that their entire conversation had been in Russian. Somehow, even during a mental breakdown, she had still managed to converse in another language and suddenly she was laughing, choking slightly on her tears.  
Bucky scooped her up in his arms and they were moving, he turned a corner, passed a few cars, then stopped at a black SUV, turning and dumping her unceremoniously into Steve's waiting arms.  
"Get in the back with her, I'll explain what I know while I drive" he was angry, all white-hot rage condensed and held together under flesh and metal, just waiting to explode.  
Steve had them in the backseat before Bucky could finish walking around to the driver's side. As soon as the car was on, she was leaning forward in the middle, using Bucky's arm for balance as she set the GPS to Dimitri's location.

"Why though?" Steve asked once Bucky had told him about what he heard on the phone and what they had talked about. Now he only shrugged.  
"Didn't question that far" he was doing a bit better now at hiding his anger, but it was still there, roiling under the surface.  
"He wants to punish me" Nezryn commented, speaking up for the first time since they got in the car. Her tears had fully stopped now, thankfully, but she sat cradled in Steve's lap with her arms around his neck, clinging to him as if her life depended on him.  
"He thinks I stole something of his, but it was never his in the first place. I couldn't let him have it. I couldn't." She was breaking down again, gasping for breath, choking out the words and shaking her head like a mad woman.  
"What is it? What does he think you took from him?" Steve was being as gentle as always, barely a line of tension in his body to show just how angry and worried he really was. His voice was low and soothing, none of his commanding Captain aura showing through.  
"A baby. My baby" she whispered the words, voice breaking on a sob. Bucky's already tense shoulders went impossibly even more ridged.  
"Jesus fucking Christ" he muttered, "you were a CHILD." His raised voice and the loud smack of his hand against the wheel made her jump, another sob breaking from her.  
"Fuck. Baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell" he tried to soothe her from the front seat, eyes desperately flicking between Nezryn, Steve, and the road. His shoulders relaxed minutely when she managed to stutter out an "it's okay, Bucky" between a new round of sobs.  
"It's what triggered the change. In me. I'm not sure what did it for Demi, but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant, it's called the mutant x gene, I guess, they call the people with them mutants, they have powers, I mean, I don't, not really, I pick up languages super quick, would be one hell of a translator, but nothing that was hoped for, no super-speed, or super healing, or strength, or invisibility, or laser eyes, or walking through walls or whatever. Demi heals really quick, like super quick, like so quick that he got shot in the heart one time and woke up less than 5 minutes later totally fine" she was babbling, could feel herself babbling, yet couldn't stop herself. She managed to breathe in raggedly every few sentences, forcing the words out through a throat desperate for air, but she needed to get the words out. And they wouldn't stop. And she couldn't breathe. And everything was wrong and then Steve's lips were on hers, cutting off any other words that were trying to spill out of her mouth. With one hand buried in her hair, holding her mouth to his and the other wrapped around her waist pressing her body down onto his in a way that almost bordered on painful, but instead of pulling back she pushed into his more fully, needing the feel of him under her to ground her, distract her. The kiss was rough, and wet from her tears, and hasty, feverish. When they finally pulled back they were both breathing hard, chests heaving in tandem. Nezryn felt a strange sense of calm waft through her, relaxing her body slightly, easing some of her tension. Calmer than she'd been in days and if she let herself think in depth on the emotion, or maybe lack thereof, it might worry her a little, but for now she was calm. It felt absolutely wonderful. She smiled softly at Steve as he wiped the tear tracks off her face. She was ready. She could do this. She would save Demi and Steve and Bucky would keep anything else from happening to him. She had time to have a mental breakdown later when there weren't literally lives on the line. She took a deep, steadying breath as the car started to slow, turning to see the tension sliding back into Bucky's shoulders.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this has just been finished and I have not gone back and edited it. So sorry if it’s rough to read.   
> I actually have the next 2 chapters written and may actually sit down and finish this tonight. And now that i’ve Said it I probably won’t. But here’s to hoping!

Their faces were eerily calm and she idly wondered if hers matched theirs. Bucky somehow managed to gracefully climb his way into the back seat of the car while Steve got out and was messing with stuff in the trunk. He pulled her on top of him, much like Steve had a few minutes prior, but seemed content to stare into her eyes, almost searchingly, as he held her body close. It was Nezryn who closed the distance between them, she realized that he had never been the one to initiate their kisses, not yet. Her lips found his in a scorching kiss, leaving them both feeling like they were on fire. His fingers flexed against her hips as he fought not to tighten his grip and pull her closer. She groaned low in her throat when he pulled back.  
"Stay here" his whispered words sounded almost like a plea as they fell from his lips and she shook her head.   
"No." His eyes darkened, probably in anger at her refusal, but she just shook her head again before leaning her forehead against his.   
"We both know that the moment you guys are out of sight they'll be out here pulling me out of the car themselves." His jaw tightened at her words, but he nodded lightly against her.   
"You're right." And with those words he was pushing himself out of the car, still holding her to his chest. He let her feet touch lightly to the ground, keeping one arm tightly around her middle as he steered her toward the back of the car and started strapping more weapons to himself. She knew he already had at least 2 guns and a knife on him already and was silently watching the weapon count rise with thinly veiled surprise. She turned her raised eyebrows to Steve who was now standing and watching them with an amused expression on his face.   
"You carrying this many weapons too?" She asked, teasingly.   
"Naw, he carries so many that I don't need to."  
"That's why I carry so many weapons, punk. You don't prepare enough and end up using half my crap." Nezryn was giggling into Bucky's chest now, enjoying watching her boys banter. It only took Steve hefting his shield onto his shoulder to come back to reality.   
It was strange, watching her boys switch to hero mode. She knew who they were, had seen videos of them fighting, but had never been up close before. And now, seeing them in their regular clothing, strapped with weapons, both their faces unreadable as they snuck into and through a seemingly abandoned building it felt eerily strange. She couldn't decide if it was suddenly more real or less real for her. Her heart pounded in her chest as she followed Steve, Bucky close behind her. The gun shots the found them on the third floor of the building were deafeningly loud, but it was almost as if her brain was refusing to acknowledge the noise. Everything moved in slow motion as Bucky pushed her into a doorway and her view of them was interrupted. They were back faster than she had anticipated, once again leading her through the hallways, this time helping her step over and around bodies. She didn't care to know if they were dead or alive.   
A distant part of her mind knew she had to be going into shock, had probably been in shock since she first got the call, but she couldn't quite make herself care. She kept one hand clutched into the back of Steve's T-shirt while halfway leaning her body back into the hand Bucky kept on the small of her back, blinking slowly when she realized she hadn't even registered reaching out for Steve. Every new floor they hit had one of them shoving her into a safe spot and spending very few minutes taking out many more people than she would have guessed there would be waiting for them.   
There were three more floors to clear before they hit the roof, where Alexi was no doubt waiting for them. Because he was tragically, annoyingly, stereotypically villainous. If her mind was clearer, she'd roll her eyes.   
And it turned out her mind got clear fast as soon as she felt the cold metal being pushed into her hands. She looked down at the rifle that had been pilfered off one of the bodies a few floors below.   
"Know how to shoot this, sweetheart? Bucky asked her softly as she just stared at it for a few seconds.   
"Yeah. Yeah, of course" she nodded. Her voice was hoarse, like she galant talked in months, yet it couldn't have even been more than half an hour since they'd first entered the building. She bit down hard on her lip as she looked the gun over, checking it out. For the first time since they got her she could feel the fear rising in her stomach, threatening to spill over into another damned panic attack. She nodded her head again. Bucky nodded back at her, shoving her into a room near the stairwell, it was small and filled with boxes, had probably been an office at one point.   
"I want you to go sit over there in the corner behind those boxes. Keep the gun aimed at the door, anyone comes in who is not me or Stevie gets shot. Got it?" Steve was watching over Bucky's shoulder, eyes betraying how uneasy he felt about leaving her alone.   
"We'll knock three times on the door before we come in." Steve assured her, still from in the hallway. She nodded again.   
"Wait. Why are you leaving me?" She hadn't meant to sound demanding, had expected to sound scared, because she most definitely was scared. Both men's lips quirked up at her tone though, so she was glad at how it had come out.   
"Too many men up there to trust keeping you with us." Bucky leveled a look at her when she opened her mouth the argue, so she shut it again and moved over to the corner behind the boxes. Both men nodded, satisfied with her position and walked away, the door closing behind them. Now all she could do was wait.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just sat in my (unfinished) basement for two hours with two kids, two dogs, a cat, and my sick SO because of a damned tornado. That was rough. But we’re fine, everything around us is fine, no tornados touched down. But I had plenty of time to do more writing, so here, have another chapter!

She wasn't sure how long she had been waiting. Belly laying against the cold cement of the floor, rifle and eyes trained on the door. Her sense of time seemed to be non existent as she tried to listen for any sounds other than the distant thunder of almost constant gunfire getting farther away from her as her boys took over the building.   
The sound of the steps coming through the hallway was so quiet that she almost couldn't hear it over the gunshots sounding from above her head. She tensed. If the guns were still going off on the floors above then the footsteps couldn't be her boys. The moment the door opened her gun went off, the first man crumpling to the ground just second before the man behind him. The third man went down seconds later, but the forth had faster reflexes and more of a warning. He ducked back into the hallway as the plaster on the wall directly behind where he had been was blasted to hell.   
"Fuck" she whispered to herself. She wasn't sure how many more of them were out there and wasn't quite sure how many shots she had left. She should have fucking checked. It was almost a full minute before she heard movement outside the door again. Before she could think better of it, she aimed to the side, firing straight through the wall. She heard the strangled shout and this as the man fell, smiling a bit in satisfaction at knowing she'd hit him. But it didn't last long as another man was barreling through the door crouching low so the shot she got off went over his head and hit the man who was following behind him instead.   
She managed to jump to her feet as the man she missed reached her. She must not have been prepared for her to put up a fight because he seemed surprised when she used the gun in her hands like a baseball bat and bashed it into the side of his head before aiming a kick to his knee. She brought the gun back up and smashed it into the back of his head when he bent over from the kick to the knee. She barely had tile to register the hand on her wrist before she was shoving the butt of the gun into the mans stomach with as much Force as she could. He doubled over and she kneed him in the face before smashing the gun back into his head.   
She was just turning to the next man when she felt the bullet hit her. Her body jerked slightly, the sound registering in her brain after she had already began falling. It was strange how suddenly everything started to go in slow motion around her. Everything was going so fast before, her adrenaline forcing her to keep up even if she felt her brain shouldn't have been able to. And now, now everything was painfully, mind numbingly slow. Had she even hit the ground yet?   
She was on the ground, hands propping up her upper body when everything went right again. The man who shot her was taking another step into the room, gun still pointed at her. But the pain blossoming in her stomach, forcing a harsh grunt through her clenched teeth, makes her vision swim and she can't concentrate on the weapon. All she can do is grunt out a strangled laugh as the sound of neck snapping hit her ears and she could see the crumpled pile of dead men add another body.   
"I thought you said you could take care of yourself, doll" his voice was a weird mixture of teasing and worry as she forced her body into a sitting position leaning against the wall.   
"I meant against drunk guys who got a little too handsy at the bar. NOT fucking soldiers and Assassins." She ground out through the pain, offering the brunette a pained smile as her vision finally focused on him. Bucky looked like shit. His hair was tangled and matted with blood, clothes stained and ripped, dirt and blood smeared all over him. She supposed she probably looked worse.   
"Besides. I don't think I did too bad for a civilian" she said, gesturing around her with one hand at the bodies littering the floor, the other hand clasped tightly over the wound on her stomach. She watched as his eyes zeroed in on where she was hit and was suddenly in front of her before she could even blink.   
"Fuck. You were shot."   
"Oh shit. Was I?" The look he leveled her was probably the most unimpressed look she'd ever seen on anyone before. It almost made her feel bad. But she was laying on the floor bleeding from a gunshot wound in a small room filled with dead bodies, so she figured she deserved the right to be a tiny bit of a shit.   
He moved away from her for a few minutes before he was back, pressing a dead guys shirt into her stomach telling her to hold it there tightly, even if it hurt.   
"Stevie should be done taking out the guys up there. Let's go get your friend and get you the fuck outta here" he whispered into her hair, giving her forehead a gentle kiss before yanking her up into his arms. She barely kept in the scream at the pain of being moved, didn't even register the tears or the way Bucky was whispering into her hair as they moved. Every step sent a jolt of pain through her and she could feel the blood pooling between her fingers. So so much blood. So much pain.


	14. Chapter 14

She must have fainted because suddenly she was staring up at the night sky. The stars were hidden behind layers of pollution, lights, and clouds, but if she squinted her eyes she could pretend she could see them. It took her longer than normal to come to reality. There were voices. Angry voices. Loud voices. Scared voices? The arms she was cradled in tightened making her realize she was indeed cradled in someone's arms. And they were nice arms. It made her giggle. Which made her stomach ache. There was a full pulling sensation every time she took a breath, she kept bracing for pain but she couldn't remember why. Until she looked over to the blue eyes staring down into hers. And then she remembered the small office space, the bodies, being shot, the pain. She screwed her face up in confusion.   
"Why doesn't it hurt?" And now Bucky was looking at her in confusion before a look of alarm settled over his features.   
"Stevie, we gotta go." His voice was urgent and Steve stopped his conversation with whoever it was he was talking to, his back going ramrod straight as he looked over his shoulder, his eyes finding hers immediately, his face drawn in a harsh frown.   
It was the movement over his shoulder that drew her eyes from his. The evil smirk that promised pain filled her vision and she shivered without meaning to. He had taken a step toward them when he realized she was awake. Bucky took a step back keeping them at the same amount of distance as Steve stepped in front of them to shield them with his body.   
"Don't even look at her" Steve practically growled. Nezryn has never heard Steve so angry before, so dangerous, and she couldn't lie, she kinda liked it.   
Her attention was once again taken off Steve when Alexi started talking again. She was awake enough now to register the words this time.   
"When she's told me where to find what she stole from me then her and her sad excuse of a friend are free to leave." His body was hidden from her view behind Steve's massive shoulders, but she could still see him wave a hand absentmindedly toward a body crumpled at his feet.   
"Demi!" Nezryn practically shouted as she rolled herself out of Bucky's arms, landing shakily on her knees and crawling over to her friend. He was covered in old, dried blood, bruises littering his body, and she could see the faint traces of old scars that meant he had recently healed himself. She pillowed his head in her lap and cried in relief when his eyes cracked open and he gave her a slow smile.   
"Nezzy, I love you, but you're bleeding all over me and it's gross" her sobs were interrupted by her laughter and she whacked away the hands that were trying to lift her up and away from Demi.   
"Come on, baby, we need to keep pressure on that" Bucky sighed as she tried to wack his hands away from her again. She gave up and let him push his metal hand into her bleeding stomach, groaning as the pain of it hit her.   
"As heart warming as this little scene is, I need to know where my belongings are. Any time now Nezryn."   
She laughed. She couldn't help it. It wasn't the relieved laughter from a few minutes ago, no. Now it was loud and crazy and it hurt but she didn't care.   
"Where? Where is it?" She could barely get the words out through her laughter. The smile on Alexi's face faltered more the longer she laughed.   
"Did you really think I would let it live? That monster of a thing. You think I would let your child live?" And she smiled smugly when a look of anger took over his face but it was only for a split second before a sly smile replaced it.   
"Monster?" He questioned, voice full of amusement, "oh, Nezryn. It wasn't my baby. It was his." His eyes landed on Bucky as he was shaking his head, chuckling lightly like he had just heard the most amusing thing. Her and Bucky tensed at the same time, she could barely even feel him breathing where he was pressed against her.   
"What?" She had to have heard wrong. Had to have. There was no way.   
"Why do you think we wanted you? There have been so many attempts over the years to recreate the serum, few of which have been successful, and none to the level of your soulmate or his best friend. So, we figured the next step would be children. All our experiments showed any of his children would be given advantages, yet none of the women we picked survived the process. And then we found you and we figured we may as well try. And it worked! Can you see why we need you?" He was disgusting. He was so proud, so excited, as he told them everything. And it was so fucking disgusting. But he had also just been distracting them because the next thing she knew they were surrounded. At least 3 dozen guns were trained on them. Nezryn gripped Dimitri even tighter, holding him to her like she could protect him as Bucky did the same to her.   
Steve was slowly putting his hands up, eyes locked over her shoulder and she could feel Bucky slowly pulling away from her, could feel his hands going up too. So the gunshots took her by surprise. She jumped, trying to throw her body over dimitri's only to be pushed to the ground from behind and have a heavy body thump on top of her. It wasn't incredibly painful, but it didn't feel good either and she grunted in pain, feeling a new rush of blood gush out of her wound.   
"Stop fucking struggling Nezzy." A voice growled in her ear and she relaxed once she realized it was Dimitri trying to shield her from the bullets flying around. It was over almost as soon as it had begun. Dimitri was pulled up off her and supported by a scowling Bucky while Steve pulled Nezryn up into his arms. This time she couldn't hold back the scream from the pain. She clutched onto Steve's arms as hard as she could, her fingers going white under the blood staining her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go!


	15. Chapter 15

Nezryn was getting damned tired of passing out. This time she woke up staring into the face of a teenage boy. Who was standing on the ceiling.   
"What the fuck?" She whined, turning her face away and into Bucky's chest. She wasn't sure how she'd gotten back into his arms when the last thing she remembered was clinging to Steve. A soft thud sounded in front of her and she felt Bucky sigh underneath her.   
"Hi! I'm peter!" The boy was bubbly and loud and Nezryn had no patience for it, but before she could say anything another voice was talking.   
"So this is robo cops soulmate, huh? I have to say, she looks a little less murder-y than I would have guessed." The voice was familiar, snarky and flippant. Tony stark stood in front of them and from the look on his face he did not want them here. Where ever here was.   
"Yeah, She is his soulmate, and she's also dying, so if you could save your smartass comments for later that would be great." For the first time she noticed Demi hanging off the other side of her soldier, clutching onto his shoulder and leaning into him to keep upright. She didn't see Steve.   
"Where the fuck is Steve?" She asked, looking over Bucky's shoulder, suddenly panicking. Until Dimitri's words hit her.   
"Wait. What the fuck do you mean dying? I'm dying and you didn't fucking tell me?" Was this what it felt like to be hysterical? She figured it was. However many hours it had been since she first got Alexi's phone call had been spent with her in a constant state of hysteria. She watched as Demi just shrugged his shoulder at her, his face pinched in pain, sweat dripping down his forehead.   
"I can't hold it for much longer Nezzy." He told her, wincing again. She watched as Tony fucking Stark watched them, processing the conversation for a few seconds and stepping aside, letting them through a set of automatic doors to find Steve racing through the hallway toward them. They stopped long enough for Steve to take Demi's weight off Bucky before they were all moving as fast as they could down the hall.   
Through the next set of doors was what could only be described as chaos. There were too many people, moving and yelling, the space was stark white and before she could protest she was being taken from Bucky and deposited on an uncomfortable white hospital bed. There were people surrounding her, needles being shoved in her skin, tubes being connected everywhere and a plastic mask being put over her mouth as she could feel someone cutting her shirt off and pulling away the now completely soaked shirt of a dead man that she hadn't even been aware she still had clutched to her. She rolled her head to the side to see Bucky and Steve watching her, both still as statues as they supported Dimitri between them. They looked afraid. She wanted to say something to them, but her eyelids were so heavy and the mask over her mouth didn't allow much talking. She tried to keep her eyes from closing as she felt the bed moving. Why was it moving? She didn't want it to move, wanted to keep her boys in her sight, but it didn't matter. Her eyes were shut before they had even rolled her bed out of the room. 

 

It took her three days to wake up. It was five more before she was lucid enough to talk through the pain killers. It was another five before she was allowed short walks in the hallway. And another five before she was allowed short walks through the gardens. It was 3 more before she was allowed to walk from her room to the garden. And seven more before they would allow her out of the hospital area of the compound. Every where she went she was followed by a super soldier with a wheelchair, just watching for any signs of fatigue to coerce her back into the chair. Lily and Demi moved into the compound at the urging of both her boys and Tony Stark. Those two were almost worse than both her soldiers and when all four of them ganged up on her together she stood no chance. It took days for her to convince any of them that she didn't need all of them with her at every moment of every day.   
The first time Natasha and Wanda has shown up to kick her boys out and have "girl time" she had thought she would manage to get away with more, but was disappointed to find out just how commanding and no nonsense Natasha was when it came to almost fatal injuries. She had pouted when Natasha refused to share her vodka during their move, but had been forced out of her mood when the Assassin started throwing popcorn at her.   
The first time peter Parker had shown up had been in the company of Princess Shuri who had referred to Nezryn as "sister" which made peter geek out on her as if he wasn't best friends with an actual real life princess. Which made Nezryn laugh. Peter had only come to apologize for scaring her the first time they met but had ended up staying for a few hours to talk. He only left when Tony Stark himself had come to drag peter and Shuri to the labs to get some work done. Before they left Tony had promised Nezryn he would come visit her once she'd been moved into the residential area in the compound, muttering something about hating hospitals as he left, dragging a giggling teenager under each arm as he went.   
Sam showed up every day, carving out an hour of her time just for him. On good days they talked about anything that came to their minds. On bad days they talked about what she went through. Both as a child and just weeks ago. It was hard for her to talk through, but she realized that Sam was helping much more than she wanted to admit.  
The first time tony actually came to visit her was in the common area, with a bored looking Clint and a shy looking Bruce trailing behind him. She was sprawled across the couch, legs tossed over Steve's lap while Nat sat in the armchair next to Steve, lazily throwing popcorn for Nezryn to catch in her mouth. Without looking. Surprisingly there wasn't much talking from him, and even less insulting. And when Bucky strolled in he tensed up, made only one scathing comment, and then was more or less quiet the rest of the movie. And while Nezryn certainly hadn't been sure about him, she actually found she liked Tony and thought his sarcastic wit was funnier than she thought her boys would appreciate.   
It had now been 3 weeks living with the avengers, which meant 3 weeks living with Steve and Bucky. She got to wake up every morning with her face pressed into a muscular chest, with warm arms wrapped around her waist, to kisses being peppered over her face and neck. It was better than she could have ever imagined it would be. They fell into the easiest routine. Wake up, eat a light snack, workout, clean up, eat a real breakfast before splitting up to go about their days. For Steve and Bucky she knew that meant a lot more working out. She was slowly, slowly getting her strength back up as she healed, but until she was cleared she knew she had to take it much easier than she ever had before. Every day the itch to dance got worse. It was even worse when the boys took her back to the city to watch her ballet. They had seats front and center, no doubt because of tony. She cried almost the whole show watching her coworkers and friends up on the stage. Afterwards, they snuck to the back, bringing flowers for all the performers and letting Nezryn congratulate and thank her understudy. She showed off her bullet wound to her instructors and closest friends while promising to be back for the next year. The boys both felt almost guilty for bringing her as she cried again the whole way home. Natasha was waiting on the couch when they got in and wasted no time in whisking Nezryn away to do who knows what. 

 

"12 years ago, Nat. It's been 12 years. Can you believe it?" They were in a park, sitting at a bench under the shade of a tree. It was beautiful spring day and there were families out full force, all enjoying the heat.   
"I remember it. She was beautiful. She still is" Natasha threw her arm over Nezryn's shoulder and gave her a one armed hug.   
"Yeah, she is. What if she hates me?" she sighed, watching the little girl playing with a dog that was almost bigger than she was. Her brown hair was so dark it was almost black, it fell in gentle waves down her back, she was small and thin, though not the kind of thin that hints at malnutrition.   
“She won’t.”   
"Are you ready to meet your daughter?" Steve questioned from behind the bench as Bucky grabbed her hand and pulled her up off of it.   
"Our daughter" Nezryn corrected, looking between Steve and Bucky "she's just as much yours as ours, Steve." He raised an eyebrow at her, glancing quickly at Natasha who shrugged.   
"Biology has never mattered much for our family, why would it start now?" She asked, crossing her arms and watching as both Nezryn and Bucky held their hands out for Steve.   
Natasha watched them from the bench as they crossed the park, stopping to shake hands with the man next to their daughter before their attention all turned to her. She sighed lightly as the girl launched herself into Nezryn's arms and both men wrapped their arms around the girls.   
"It's a lovely sight, isn't it?" She nodded at the question, allowing the woman next to her to pull her into a hug before being interrupted by a small child jumping on them yelling "Mama! Mommy! Come watch me tackle daddy!" Natasha laughed and pulled her child into her arms, kissing Laura softly before turning to find Clint who was currently being tackled by the older two children. She smiled softly to herself, reveling in the feeling of having her family and feeling a heavy sense of satisfaction that another part of her family was finally getting this for themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realized after I wrote this that I left it sorta vague. And I honestly just didn’t feel like rewriting it. So there might be some confusion, which I will clear up now.   
> Natasha and Nezryn met when she was held captive by Hydra. Natasha was undercover as a hydra agent trying to find the winter soldier (who she had no idea was Bucky) and ended up being the one to continue teaching Nezryn ballet (something she had started as a child). It was Alexi’s way of “giving her everything” (because he’s a crazy who thinks dancing will make up for the fucked up shit). Natasha ends up blowing her cover to help Nezryn and Dimitri escape and looses the winter soldier (who they put back in cryo and move after he “fails” to track them down). Natasha is the one to deliver Nezryn’s baby and then spirits her away to a safe place and then keeps track of her through the years, even after she parts from the kids (she keeps track of them too, though she never lets them know that). So yes, Nezryn lied to Alexi when she told him she had the baby killed. She just didn’t want him to get his hands on her daughter, even if she genuinely thought it was his daughter too.   
> And lastly, Clint, Natasha, and Laura are all together. Natasha can’t carry children of her own but every child Laura and Clint has is treated the same as if she would have carried them herself. I just have a thing for Laura/Natasha/clint. I’m not a clint/Nat shipper without Laura though. Lol.


End file.
